Self-Made Mom

Congratulations to Julie, who’s  having her third child, a boy, very soon! In preparation for her big day, some of her friends are hosting a virtual shower to celebrate the new arrival.  And they have asked us on the blogosphere who have little boys to give her some advice on what it’s like to rear a kid of the XY kind.

I could see why, after having 2 girls, it might be scary to have a boy.  But if I were Julie, I would think of it as hitting the genetic lottery.  To ease her fears, though, I’ve compiled this list of things I’ve learned in the last two years about raising a boy:

1. Whatever the experts tell you, pee-pee teepees don’t work. You’re better off telling your daughters you got them pretend birthday hats for their dolls instead.
2. You will never have to worry about what clothes your boy wears because you really only have 2 choices: camouflage or pirate.
3. You can wipe backwards AND forwards.
4. While wiping backwards and forwards, your son will likely laugh should you touch his penis by accident in the process. Yes, it’s totally creepy.
5. If you’re ever feeling blue about having a boy, you can just grow his hair long and pretend he’s a girl.  I mean, all the celebrities are doing it.

 

6. When your husband says he needs a little ”guy time” you can just tell him to play with the baby.
7. A year from now you will likely know the difference between a steam shovel, front bucket loader and bulldozer.  And construction sites will be the “hot” place to hang out.
8. When little boys get sweaty they emit a scent that smells like a combination of wet dirt, worms and feet. It sounds gross, but I swear after awhile you’ll get used to it and probably even like it.
9. You’ll love telling your friends your son is a “mama’s boy.” The phrase “mama’s girl” just doesn’t have the same cache.
10.  Your walls will never look the same again, but I swear one day the stain “pee” will be Pantone’s color of the year.

Congratulations!

That title get you? Did you actually think I meant that I was going to start working instead of blogging? Ha! No seriously.  I looked back at some of my recent posts and realized I’ve taken a bit of a vacation from writing about what really gets me going - the ups and downs of working motherhood (with a bit of celebrity thrown in.)  But this week I’ve had some good conversations with some “experts” and read some interesting articles I need to report back to you all on.  Hopefully this will tide y’all over until I can “live blog” at BlogHer. (Didn’t that sound all big and bad?)  Here goes:

You say Ay-quent, I say Ah-quent: 
So today, I spoke with Denise Nash of Aquent (it’s pronounced ay-quent, not ah-quent) - the staffing agency for marketing professionals.  Denise is the “Director of Work-Life” for the organization and helps Aquent with sponsorships, build awareness, etc.  The company has been around for 20 years and staffs marketing experts on a project basis. They’re huge - 70 offices in 16 countries! Most of their “consultants” are MBAs with 5-7 years experience.  I checked out the website and it seems like they have some really promising opportunities for people who want to be staffed on short-term-to-permanent jobs. 

Does process work with part-time?
Yesterday, I had lunch with an old professor of mine from graduate school.  (By old, I don’t mean age, I mean I went to school awhile ago.) Over the biggest Chinese chicken salad I ever saw, we discussed my current part-time work situation.  He began to tell me his dealings with a major major corporation and their adherence to the Six Sigma practice. He challenged me with this question: Can you work in a part-time capacity and still fulfill the tenets of Six Sigma or some other corporate mumbo-jumbo process? Of course, my inital reaction was “yes,” but really, I’m too brain-dead to fully figure out the answer. What do you think? I told him I’d get back to him with a response. Stat. Or else he said he was going reverse my grade point or something evil like that.

Some gratuitous B-celebrity working mom news:
It’s been awhile since we’ve gotten good “celeb” working mom news.  But I read two stories today that caught my eye:

1. Did you know Lindsay Davenport is back on the courts? She must be super-human because she only had a C-section like 6 weeks ago.  I mean, she’s not playing in the U.S. Open, or anything, so she’s not that cool, but still.  My favorite line from the article: “It’s [her return to work] turned into a bigger story than I’m comfortable with.”  See? The media is STARVING for a new celeb working mom.  You go, Linds.
2. My favorite news anchor is preggo!! Campbell Brown, who dresses way too conservatively for me, but who’s no-nonsense attitude I love is with child.  And she’s got a new job at CNN, where she will be eight months pregnant when she goes on the air! Talk about interviewing for a new job knowing that you’re already pregnant.  And I love that she thinks she’ll be ready to go back to work by Feb. 5 for big-state primaries.  That’s so cute, Campby.

That’s all I got for now… toodles til’ BlogHer!

Tags: Campbell Brown, Lindsay Davenport, working mom, Aquent, Denise Nash, BlogHer

In the movie, “Knocked Up” (which I saw over the weekend) the main character, a woman in her early twenties, happens to get pregnant accidentally. (Warning, plot spoiler ahead.) 

She’s also very career-focused, saying she didn’t envision having a baby “for another 10 years.” (I’ll save that for another blog topic.)  In fact, when she was eight weeks pregnant she actually got a promotion, to her nauseous surprise (she had just puked in the middle of a major assignment.)  And while I thought the movie was hilarious and entertaining, I still sort of can’t get past how the lead character decided to divulge her news (and growing bump) to her bosses.

She didn’t. Not for 8 months.

Okay, I know I shouldn’t overanalyze a silly Hollywood movie that according to the New York Times is an “instant classic,” but something about why people think it’s so funny that an up-and-coming young woman feels too nervous to tell her work that she’s pregnant gnaws at me. Maybe the writer and director of the movie made the plot take that turn to amplify or critique common stereotypes of today’s workplace.  Maybe it was just for comic value. 

Of course, here in the real world, this is no laughing matter. One of my close friends who’s pregnant with number two just told her boss her news last week, 4 1/2 months pregnant. She was incredibly nervous and kept putting it off, but of course she could only hide it for so long. It was getting obvious.  Sort of like the 32-week bump in the movie.

I will admit it - there is something inherently funny about a girl waiting eight months to tell her boss she’s pregnant.  It’s ludicrous.  But what’s more ludicrous is the fact that in today’s society, us working moms still get the willies about this topic because we fear our boss’s reaction.  And if you sit and think about that premise long and hard enough, it sort of really isn’t all that funny.

Update: The WSJ Juggle Blog wrote about this topic today and poses the question: when should you tell your boss? A good discussion for sure!

Tags: Knocked Up, mom-friendly company, pregnancy,

Jenny G’s on the working mom quotable rampage again in the May issue of In Style. In her interview, the celebrity working mom comments about the ease of maintaining her breastfeeding routine of daughter Violet amidst a busy schedule.

‘that suprised me - how much I loved [nursing],’ she says, ‘and how effortless it has been to pump anywhere in the world: in the car on the way to the Oscars, in countless airplane bathrooms…. there’s always a sympathetic woman who will help you out.’

Ah, such is the life of a Pumping Princess. I’m guessing Jenny G doesn’t have to worry about remembering her pump parts, or pumping in public and getting harassed for it.  But she may have a point, the Medela Pump In Style would make a heck of a purse to take to a formal event.  Large shot glasses and an ice pack to keep my shrimp cocktail cold. Sweet.

Tags: Jennifer Garner, pumping, breast milk, breastfeeding, working mom, celebrity mom

When I think back to “the good old” days of my pre-pregnancy (even pre-married) self, I think about my no nonsense career attitude, my ability to make plans at a moment’s notice and having no excuse for being late or being brain-dead (you get the drift.)  Fast forward to the present and you’re more likely to find that I’m multitasking like a mo’fo’, rushing to get out of work by 5 PM and wearing the same outfit two days in a row. ’Nuff said.

But a recent article in the New York Times got me thinking about who I used to be.  The column profiles Leslie V. Norwalk, acting administrator, Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services.  In the article, she discusses the strong relationship she had with her working mother who set an interesting example:

For my mom, at the end of the day, it was all about “what it is you need to do in order to accomplish your goals.”

Ms. Norwalk then goes on to rehash her career and what she needed to do to accomplish her goals.  Of one of her jobs, she says:

I worked in the office of presidential personnel for three women and between them over three years they had five babies, so I ended up with more responsibilities because I filled in during their maternity leaves.

This may be a benign admission to the average reader.  Co-worker goes out on maternity leave, and you get more responsibility as a result.  But to me, it raised a red flag: she was a pregnancy chaser.  And you know what, I used to be too.

A pregnancy chaser is like it sounds - someone who scopes out opportunity for advancement that a preggo co-worker can’t help but leave behind.  She can’t see her feet so she waddles to a meeting.  You can speed down the hallway in half the time to introduce yourself to the client first.  She can’t travel past 32 weeks. No problem.  You can go anywhere, anytime. She gets put on bed rest. Well, this is just like you won the lottery, isn’t it? 

I remember being a pregnancy chaser at my first job.  When my boss announced she was having a baby, my first thought was, “goodie, I’ll be in charge in no time.” (cue the Dr. Evil music.)  It was no matter that I was straight out of college with no experience. All I saw was the path to greatness.  On the heels of my boss’s pregnancy.

But when you’re a chaser, it doesn’t always work out as planned. You can get too wrapped up in your own perfection that you fail to realize how great the person is that you are filling in for.  A clear cut sign: the client *sighs* when she realizes that she’ll have to deal with you and not the top dog for the next three months.

And if you’ve ever been chased (I have not, as of yet), I can imagine it can be more than a little frightening.  You’ve packed on the pounds and are tired and cranky.  And yet, little kiss-butt is all over your every move like you are to a Chinese buffet.

So the moral of the story is this: chaser, stop chasing, ’cause you’ll get your due at some point.  And if you’re being stalked? Well, you can revel at the satisfaction that you’ll be back to your former self in no time.  Or something like that.

Ok, now it’s your turn. Have you been chased or have you ever chased a poor preggo? Spill it, sisters.

Tags: pregnancy, career advancement, Leslie V Norwalk, New York Times

According to an article in Sunday’s New York Times, “flirting at work is flirting with trouble.”  That may be true, I guess (although I beg you to find one person who hasn’t dated somebody they work with or at least wanted to date at some point in their career.)  But the article’s topic made me think long and hard about yet another hurdle a new mother has to overcome after she’s had her baby: flirting.  Like trying to get your body back (ha!), preventing your hair from falling out (double ha!), and figuring out how to take care of a baby (no comment), a girl’s gotta learn how to flirt again after she becomes a mother.  I mean, the only man in my life that I’ve flirted with in the past 10 months is my husband son.  Flirting is a necessary evil that we all have to remember how to do once we’ve given birth.  You’ve been out of practice for 9 10 long months, and well, when you’re waddling around with a beach ball in your stomach, you’re not exactly prime to give bedroom eyes.  Case in point: one of my preggo friends has an obsession with Wenthworth Miller.  I hate to break it to her, but this is NOT realistic flirting material (even if he is beyond gorgeous, and smart, and a good actor, oh, Wentworth.)

Personally, I don’t think it matters where you figure out how to flirt again.  (No matter how “irksome” it might be in the workplace.  (As long of course, that the flirting at work is not inappropriate.  But you’re a mom, you wouldn’t be inappropriate, right?)  Since I’ve had my son, I’ve tried to flirt again at a bar, the grocery store, the airplane (that was more like hard-core staring), the line at the cell phone shop, Starbucks.  You name the place, I’ve probably flirted there. I guess practice makes perfect, right?

Who’s with me on this one!?  C’mon all you silent readers… I know you’re out there, flirting away…

Tags: New York Times, flirting, new mother, new mommy, pregnancy

While reading the UrbanBaby Message Boards (one could really get addicted to such activity) this weekend, I came across a woman who was about 6 weeks pregnant and posted the question of when she should break the news to her boss.  This is definitely a gut-wrenching decision.  You don’t want to disclose your pregnancy too soon in case something happens (sorry, it’s the Jewish superstitious thing in me), but if you wait too long, it’s impossible to conceal the evidence (it’s not like you work on a sitcom where you can conveniently hide your belly behind a couch.)  Most women I know (including me) usually wait until the 12-week mark is well behind us.  But I think there are other tell-tale signs you’re ready to divulge your little secret:

• You’ve stopped wretching every time you get on the subway to go to work.  Unfortunately, this does not mean that people will actually give up their seat for you.
• You’re not quite showing, but your coworkers are giving you sideways glances when you go to the water cooler.  Sorry, folks, this means they think you’re just getting fat.
• You can resist the urge to crawl under your desk for a nap.  Sort of.
• Your mother you have told everyone she you knows.  Even the woman who waxes her lip clerk at 7-11 who sold you chocolate milk that morning.
• You’re sick of your bubbly “I’ve had 4 kids and still look this good” coworker asking you if you’re “trying.”
• At 4 p.m., any food leftover from random lunch meetings looks really tasty.  Yummm, pasta salad.
• You’ve calculated with your HR department how little how much paid time off you’ll get for maternity leave.
• The e-mail updates you’ve been getting from Babycenter.com finally show a graphic that looks like a baby instead of a blob.
• You’re actually excited to go maternity clothes shopping.

UrbanBaby preggo: good luck.

Technorati Tags: UrbanBaby, pregnancy, telling your boss your pregnant, pregnancy at work

I’ve always been a big Nordstrom’s fan.  It has a great shoe department, is always cited as a great place to work AND has a fantastic return policy (good for an indecisive me).  Apparently, it picks its malls wisely too, as evidenced by my trip today:

I guess ”stork” parking does exist after all.  How one proves they’re preggo on their car, though, is beyond me.

Tags: nordstrom’s, chicago, pregnancy

I’ve never considered myself the “gangster” type (although I do look cute in a fedora hat). But after reading a recent article on MSNBC.com I’m wondering if I should change my blog’s name to the “Self-Made Mobster.”

The article focuses on how having babies can alter a woman’s friendships. An excerpt:

As lives evolve, so do priorities. Some childless women complain their friends with children turn into mommy machines — always wanting to talk about their babies and resembling very little of their former fun selves.

Who, me? Not fun anymore? The article then interviewed a woman, Lisa Giassa, who saw many of her friends get sucked into what she calls a ”mommy mafia.”  She says:

“All they do is talk — more like complain — about their kids, their husbands, dramas with teachers and other mommy mafia members.”

Upon further reading of the “mommy mafia” type, it seems that I am not only a member, but could easily be a reputable gang leader.  I organize play groups, complain about my son, talk about my husband, and more often than not, go days without calling my non-mom friends back or give them only specific times that I can talk. No wonder they’ve stopped calling.  I wouldn’t want to be associated with me either. 

I’ve become dangerous.  I participate in the organized crimes of kvetching about my son’s first birthday plans or how tired I am.  Come too close to me, and you’ll be shot with a tirade of the woes of working motherhood.  If you make plans with me, we usually have to meet in a location where I’m comfortable and on my terms. In my inner sanctum are those who have been through the pains of labor and kiddie puke.

When you’re in such a position of power, greed and selfishness you can lose sight of reality. (Wait, I missed your wedding?). So how do I get out? I’m not sure. Becoming a mom IS like joining an exclusive gang that goes way beyond just hand signals and tatoos.  I probably could do a better job of maintaining my contacts with the outside.  But I’m not convinced that being a part of the mommy mafia is a bad thing.  I think it just means that my connections and the way I work is different now.  I’ll try to do better, I really will.  But if I don’t succeed, well then, I’m going to just Fuhgeddaboutit.

Technorati Tags: mommy mafia, mom friends, balance

When I was pregnant, I always got annoyed that there were never any specially designated “stork parking” spots at my usual haunts- grocery store, Target, etc.  Being pregnant, while not a handicap, does have its physical limitations.  Especially when you’re trying to shlep a heavy cart through a full (and icy) parking lot in wintry Chicago. Like designated handicapped parking, preggos should get their own spots too!

But I digress.  The real reason I bring up the pregnancy issue is that Self-Made Mom was faced with a similar dilemma yesterday when in the airport after landing from vacation.  With my son in his stroller, I went to use the ladies’ room while my husband waited for the luggage.  We all know how difficult such a simple task can be.

As planned, I walked into the bathroom and looked for the handicapped stall. How else was I supposed to go with the stroller? It was then that my worst bathroom nightmare happened.  When I left the stall, to my horror, a wheelchair was parked in the aisle in front of me.  Visions of an angry mob gathered at the sinks filled my head. 

But what’s a mom to do?  Leave her defenseless child to go the way of lost baggage?  Uh uh. That’s why I’m lobbying for wheelchair AND stroller designated stalls.  It would do a lot to help a guilty mom who really has to pee.

Tags: pregnancy, traveling with children