Self-Made Mom

I just finished watching the premiere episode of TLC’s new show, “The Secret Life of a Soccer Mom,” and I have to be honest - I liked it way more than I thought I would.  I knew plenty about the show after talking to the host, Tracey Gold, yesterday, but typically I don’t let my DVR record things that have the words “Secret” and “Mom” in the same title (sounds kind of like a bad Lifetime move, don’t you think?).  However, after whizzing through the show in about 45 minutes, I found myself with a bit of a lump in my throat and a little more happiness about the choice I made to be a SAHM.

The first episode centered on Adrian Stark, wife of a doctor and a mom of three.  A wannabe fashion designer before she had kids, the show gave Ms. Stark the opportunity to work for fashion designer Bianca Nero for a week under the guise that she was “going to a spa.” (Hence, the “secret.” Lifetime references abound.) So while she went off to her new “job,” her husband stayed at home watching the girls. It was your typical here’s-what-happens-when-the-mom-works-scenario with the kids running wild and the house in disarray. Let’s just say if there are assistants who cook the food all day while you’re away it’s not that realistic.

And watching Ms. Stark do her assignment was kind of like watching a summer intern at work.  The bosses came down hard and fast and Ms. Stark looked frazzled and nervous.  I can only imagine, though, how she must have felt, considering before I interviewed Ms. Gold yesterday (my first “real” story since I stopped working) I was sweating like a pig.  The point? It’s hard to rejigger your brain into work mode after you’ve been in SAHM mode. I thought the show treated that shift well.

Some folks were a little bothered by the secretive nature of the show, but I just chalked it up to the fact that it’s on TV. I mean, how else were they going to get those moms out of the house? I know if I want to leave for a day I have to book it like 3 weeks in advance, call in major reinforcements and clear it with a slew of people. Anyway, *spoiler alert* at the end of the show, Ms. Stark does a great job, gets the job of her dreams and accepts a full-time position with the designer. Dad seemed truly happy for her and the kids were thrilled. (This is the part where I got a lump in my throat.)  It was sweet, really. You could tell that she loved staying at home with her kids, but wanted to try something new, so kudos to her!

This show isn’t going to be for everyone, though. Some will think it’s going to fuel the Mommy Wars and devalue women’s choices.  But I’d like to think more positively about it after watching it. It gives a little insight into a typical my SAHM life and what can happen down the road. And I think it’s good for moms in general to watch other mothers go through what many of us think about as well as show employers that even if you are out of the workforce for awhile you still got ’skillz (er, skills.)

So if they have to throw in a few television cliches in the process I’m not going to sweat it.  I’m going to record it again next week and maybe catch a good movie on Lifetime while I’m at it.  Hey, we all have to live vicariously once in awhile, right?

Tags: The Secret Life of a Soccer Mom,, celebrity+moms, Tracey Gold, mommy wars, working moms, SAHM

I think my last post was a bit of a bust (why does no one else get that joke!?), so for right now I’m going to stick with the basics.

First, I thought I’d tell you exactly what I do for work.  Hell, one of you actually asked me, so that warrants at least some sort of response, right?  And then, because it’s been nagging me for awhile, we’re going to debate if working part-time is working half-assed.  Sound fun? Great!

Technically, I help companies “strengthen their relationships with their employees to achieve business objectives.”  Really, what I really do all day is try to convince companies why employees matter to a company’s bottom line and why ignoring them is really dumb for business.  Get it? Great. Let’s move on.

What’s really been nagging me the last few days is the notion of working part-time equals working half-assed. When my friend quit her part-time job, she mentioned that she felt that she couldn’t give work her “all” and couldn’t give her home life her all either.  She felt that working part-time wasn’t really “working” because she had to give up esteemed projects and not be in on everything possible at work.  Another friend of mine, who recently went back to work and is contemplating quitting said that she doesn’t like to do anything “half-assed” and that working part-time feels like she’s doing it half-assed.

Well, duh.

No matter how you slice it, I’m not sure you can work part-time and:

1) be involved in every major project at work

2) be privy to every important conversation

3) be looked at as a go-to person for every last minute project, crisis, etc.

And I’d like to emphasize that I don’t think these are necessarily negative things, but they are points of consideration that one should think about when working a reduced schedule.  I mean, let’s be honest (I’ll be honest), there is a reason one chooses to come back to work part-time after maternity leave. Because you’re NOT READY or willing to give 100% of your life to work.  I think as long as you set your intention this way it’s ok.

And I don’t think this necessarily means you’re a slacker.

I know that right now, with my reduced schedule I am contributing to major pieces of business, winning new clients (i.e. convincing them that investing in employee communications is not dumb), and am a valued part of the team.  I don’t work on my days off (usually), but when I’m at work I give it my all.  So I guess if you slice it this way I am half present at work.

This most likely means I am not on the fast-track to a promotion.  Or that I will lead our group’s “marquis projects.”  But that’s not my intention right now.  My intention is to create a career path that I’m comfortable with for employers who can work with me through my “decelerated” times (to borrow a word from some smart ladies).  Most likely, at some point, I will ramp back-up my schedule and it will ultimately pay off for my employer because I’ll be more loyal to them and the company I work for.  I hope it works out this way. Maybe that’s why I’m in the kind of work I’m in. To be living proof.

I know some of what I say here is counter to things I’ve said before.  But the more I work part-time, the more I see its reality, both good and bad.  No matter what you do, or how you decide to live your life as a mom people will judge you.  In this way, I’m sure to some people, my ramblings prove that I’m just half-assing it.  But I’m ok with that.  Because really, at the end of the day, I’ll do pretty much anything to keep my backside slim.

Tags: part-time work, flexible work schedules, maternity leave

I can’t stay away from the blog for long. Not when Working Mother magazine comes out with their 100 Best Companies List and I miss posting about it by one day.  I HAVE to make my second (or is it third?) re-entry during a week when something actually newsworthy comes out about us working moms. (Isn’t that my thang?)

So here’s the scoop.  Devra pointed out that the list is stretching the notion of third-party credibility a little too far.  Susan doesn’t think that the “best” will get better without some pushing from the government.  Me? I know deep down that these lists are just a massive PR effort put forth by some low-level hack right out of college.  No, sorry.  Three years out of college. 

My major dilemma with such lists is why do people take them so seriously?  The criteria probably isn’t too rigid (I wish we could see the whole form on their website somewhere without me having to register).  And I’m actually thankful that companies on this list probably are doing more than most companies at least by the fact that they have the goal to be on this list in the first place.  There are worse things a company could pay a PR firm to do with its time do with its time.

That being said, I do see some room for improvement.  Some questions I’d love to add to the survey (of which I have never seen):

• How often does your boss roll his/ her eyes when you ask to leave 10 minutes early to pick your kid up from school?
• How often do you let your subordinates “work from home” on last minute notice?
• How many workers in the office have “I love mom” posters hanging on the wall?
• What is the ratio of women who are ”skinny bitches” vs. “trying to lose the baby weight”?
• What is the percentage of men who know not to ask a woman if she’s pregnant 10 weeks post-partum? (this one assumes a long, paid, restful maternity leave. Ha!)
• Do you have someone on staff to ensure that the snack machine doesn’t have any food with more than 5g of fat in it?

Who’s welcoming me back to the blogosphere?  Can I get a woo-woo?

Until I feel like blogging again…

Tags: working mother magazine, 100 best companies for working mothers, flexible work arrangements, working moms

Did I mention that I’m working “remotely” this entire week? Like, really remotely.  Like, so remote that when I ran out of facial moisturizer yesterday and went to the local grocery store to buy some more they didn’t have my favorite Aveeno one.  My nanny had to go out of town (again!) and since I really have no back up child care, I thought I’d piggyback on my parents vacation.  I’m paying them in love and gratitude.  And a cute kid.  Don’t we all work on our vacations, anyway? 

To accomodate my shift in plans, my parents have basically turned their house into a mini-Kinkos.  I’ve got wireless internet, a brand new speakerphone for my conference calls, a better view than in Chicago, and a fancy color printer. I mean seriously, this is Jewish guilt at it’s worst. (My mother’s already asked me if I can do this again next summer.)

It’s weeks like this when working from home actually works that I wonder if I really do need a big fancy office. Then I read this which totally makes me fume over my 40-minute commute.  But, I’ve honestly never been all that keen about working from home.  It’s a terrific luxury that I have, but it’s not my first choice.  I like getting dressed (ask me if I’ve worn anything but sweats for the past 2 days), I hate hearing my son laugh and not being able to play with him, and I can only watch “The Hills” on mute for so long.  I mean, what are the benefits of working from home when you can’t even enjoy a good Heidi/ LC cat fight?

But, I’d be lying if I didn’t say working remotely has its perks.  I get to sit by the lake during lunch, take a walk on the beach in the morning and dip my toes in the water at sunset.  Then again, it’s not like you guys can see what I’m looking at because my cell phone won’t send picture text messages from up here.

[insert beautiful beach photo]

[caption: How’s your view of the cubicle looking?]

One can only be so plugged in, I guess.

Tags: working from home, working remotely, WAHM

Did I ever mention that I love working part-time? (And that I’m lucky enough to be able to do it?) Well, if I didn’t, I will say it again.  And, in case you haven’t heard yet, today’s top working mom news story (that couldn’t possibly have taken anyone by surprise) is that the “majority of working moms would be happiest in part-time jobs.”  Yes, I agree. I think I’m in the happiest position I could be in my current work schedule arrangement (my feelings about returning from vacation aside.)

I work part-time and my days off aren’t filled with the rat race of errands.  As I commented on the Juggle blog today about this topic, I believe I am in this special and unique position for two (and I added a third and fourth here) reason:

1) I have a very understanding boss.  She is supportive of my schedule, respects my days off and tries to include me as much as possible in fulfilling and substantial work while realizing my limitations.

2) Terrific child care. I have a great nanny who I can afford (just barely) to have for an extra few hours each week so I can run those errands on MY time, not my baby’s time. And not my husband’s time, because well, he just works to damn much for that to be a realistic option.

3) Great coworkers.  If I didn’t have such a great team to work with, I’d never be able to pull off this part-time coup of mine. When I’m out, they pitch in. Ask me how they can help and fill in the slack that I leave.  Who could ask for anything more? At the moment, I’m hard pressed to ask anything.

4) My husband has awesome benefits. My firm offers a terrific benefits package as well, but since I don’t qualify for benefits, I’m lucky that my spouse’s is just as competitive. If that weren’t the case, it’d be hard to justify the part-time gig as well.

Which leads me to my next thought: there are all these qualifiers to how a mom can make a part-time schedule work. It can’t just be “I want to work part-time.” Instead, the situation of trying to work part-time becomes like a shopping mission to Target: If you went there to get Dreft and a swimsuit cover-up (don’t tell me you’ve never done that) but all you could find at the store was Gain and a short, strapless terry cloth-thingy that doesn’t cover buptkis, your shopping cart isn’t filled and your mission wasn’t successful.

Same with making part-time work. If the four (and many more) factors don’t fit together perfectly, it’s hard to be successful working part-time.

I totally lucked out and I’m sad for my coworkers and friends who aren’t able to fill their cart with what they need.  But Target restocks often, and I’m hopeful that one of these days, companies, managers, CEOs and the like will take stock of their employees (who, given more flexibilility and freedom are more likely to put in their discretionary effort), and will reshelve their benefits and flexible work options to fit even the largest of bodies.

Or else, those darn cover-ups will continue to stay on the shelves and linger on, until one day they’re put on sale and then discarded to the warehouse.  And that doesn’t fit anyone’s best interests, does it?

Tags: part-time work, flexible work arrangements, Washington Post, The Juggle, working moms

In the movie, “Knocked Up” (which I saw over the weekend) the main character, a woman in her early twenties, happens to get pregnant accidentally. (Warning, plot spoiler ahead.) 

She’s also very career-focused, saying she didn’t envision having a baby “for another 10 years.” (I’ll save that for another blog topic.)  In fact, when she was eight weeks pregnant she actually got a promotion, to her nauseous surprise (she had just puked in the middle of a major assignment.)  And while I thought the movie was hilarious and entertaining, I still sort of can’t get past how the lead character decided to divulge her news (and growing bump) to her bosses.

She didn’t. Not for 8 months.

Okay, I know I shouldn’t overanalyze a silly Hollywood movie that according to the New York Times is an “instant classic,” but something about why people think it’s so funny that an up-and-coming young woman feels too nervous to tell her work that she’s pregnant gnaws at me. Maybe the writer and director of the movie made the plot take that turn to amplify or critique common stereotypes of today’s workplace.  Maybe it was just for comic value. 

Of course, here in the real world, this is no laughing matter. One of my close friends who’s pregnant with number two just told her boss her news last week, 4 1/2 months pregnant. She was incredibly nervous and kept putting it off, but of course she could only hide it for so long. It was getting obvious.  Sort of like the 32-week bump in the movie.

I will admit it - there is something inherently funny about a girl waiting eight months to tell her boss she’s pregnant.  It’s ludicrous.  But what’s more ludicrous is the fact that in today’s society, us working moms still get the willies about this topic because we fear our boss’s reaction.  And if you sit and think about that premise long and hard enough, it sort of really isn’t all that funny.

Update: The WSJ Juggle Blog wrote about this topic today and poses the question: when should you tell your boss? A good discussion for sure!

Tags: Knocked Up, mom-friendly company, pregnancy,

I’ve blogged and commented a lot recently on the slew of material out there that discusses women getting back on the career track after taking time off to stay at home with their children. Usually these voices are on high, and well, as a mere blogger, I’m down low, and so rarely would we have a chance to connect.

But lately, perhaps because I’ve been so vocal about my passion for finding case studies of women “on-ramping” outside of big financial and accounting firms, I’ve gotten a few e-mails from some of these “mommy career” gurus themselves, the most recent containing some good nuggets of information worth sharing.

Carol Fishman Cohen, co-author of the book, Back on the Career Track, responded to my dilemma of how it seems the biggest success stories of women re-entering the workforce are those in the careers of finance or accounting.  In Carol’s (hope it’s ok to use first names here) e-mail to me she points out the success that Aquent, the world’s largest marketing staffing firm, is having by placing SAHMs into jobs after they’ve been out for awhile.  She even gave this example:

I’m [Carol] in the Boston area and have been following the progress of a mom here who was a marketing analyst for a high tech firm, was part of a 9/11 layoff, started her family and took a break for 5.5 years, and just got placed thru Aquent in a 3 month marketing position at a major money management firm here. (She does not have a graduate degree.) She thinks it is working out pretty well and will turn into a permanent position. 

Thanks, Carol, duly noted. I guess there’s some hope for us sad sacks still eeking out a career in PR or marketing. 

Tags: SAHM, Carol Fishman Cohen, Back On The Career Track, on ramping off ramping

Lisa Belkin (I feel like I keep quoting her) in today’s New York Times brings up an interesting point about working: can wasting time actually be productive?  She says:

Over the years I have come to see that the hours away from the writing are the time when the real work gets done. When a paragraph turns itself this way and that in a corner of my brain even while my fingers are buying books on Amazon.com. What appears to be wasted time is really jell time.

While I like the concept, and have come upon many good sites for those who want to kill time at work, I am not sure the argument for wasting time at work applies to me.  Why? Because I’m a working mom.  I feel like I don’t have time to waste time.

When I’m in the office, I’m constantly on the go, trying to accomplish all my tasks into a 24-hour work week. (I think my lack of time wasting is exacerbated by my part-time schedule.) If I don’t get my stuff done by Tuesday evening, well, I’ll be working at home on Wednesday, when I’m off of work.  My Thursdays are like a mad race to the finish line.  Gotta. Get. It. All. Done. Before. 5:30 p.m.  Or else? I’ve got a long weekend ahead of me.  And neither the husband nor the kiddo will appreciate me hovering over my laptop on a sunny-ish (I live in Chicago, remember?) Sunday afternoon. 

I’m not complaining here, just relaying life from my vantage point.  My friend who works full-time recently lamented about the coworker who actually thought she had time to stop and dawdle at Starbucks on the way back from work.  The horror! 

But the more I think about it, my whole “no time to waste time” motto may make a good case study for those women trying to get flexible work schedules.  I’m quite efficient in my shortened work week.  So much though, that a client even said to me today, “I don’t even realize it when you’re not there.” Imagine that!? Perhaps it’s that I have understanding clients (and colleagues), but more likely it’s that when I’m at work I’m there to work.  I feel as if I’m not there enough to justify a little break here and there.  I constantly aim to be busy as possible to keep on proving that part-time schedules do (cross my fingers) work in some scenarios.  For most moms who work a full work week, I’m pretty sure any free moment they have in their day is spent with their kids.  Or running errands (after work) for their kids. I don’t know many working moms with time to burn.  

Whatever the case, I can really only think of one scenario where lolly-gagging away time at work may make sense.  A great sale at Nordstrom.  Now that’s worth a couple extra hours of work on a weekend.

Tags: Lisa Belkin, working mom, flexible schedules, flexible work arrangements, wasting time at work, mom-friendly companies

Nataly, over at Work It, Mom!, has started an interesting debate over women hiding the fact that they are moms at work because of the perception that being a mom will negatively affect their careers.  Part of the issue discussed is how one woman doesn’t want to be associated with a “mommy” site or “mommy bloggers.” Pshaw, I say. Anyone, client or colleague, who I tell about my blog thinks it’s cool that I write on the side. So I personally don’t get that.

But when Nataly asks,

how many of us are hiding in the closet and limiting how much of our “mom” life to include in our professional interactions?

it makes me think: am I too much of a “mom” on the job?

I personally shout my mommy-ness from the rooftops at work. I’m not obnoxious about it (at least I don’t think so), but I do tell clients and colleagues I have a “mom blog” and I do talk about the things that happen to me as a mom.  Like when I ran out of diapers and had to leave work early to go get some, which ultimately led me to taking a client conference call from home.  I shared that little tid-bit with my client on our call.  Since my client’s also a mom, she first laughed, and then said she could totally relate to my experience.  I think telling her this story made our professional relationship a little more personal and definitely made me feel better about running out of diapers!

Perhaps it’s easier to flaunt being a mommy at work when you work with a lot of women (and moms) as I do, but I personally think that being a mom actually adds to my character instead of detracts.  I’ve talked before about traits that I now have that I think help me be a better employee - I can multitask better and have more stamina than ever. 

Of course, I try not to let the minutae of mommy-hood get in the way of work, but it sometimes cannot be avoided. My son gets sick and occasionally I have to leave early.  But I believe being up front and honest will get me farther with my co-workers than if I try to cast my mom-persona to the side.  Maybe I’m being really naive or unrealistic, but I can’t hide it: I’m a mom now, and really, that’s the most important job I have.  I’m not ashamed to admit it.

Tags: Work It, Mom!, working mom, mommy wars

An article in the “Career Couch” column of yesterday’s New York Times gave some interesting advice to women looking to get back to their careers after taking time off to raise their children. The article, which read like the author, Eilene Zimmerman, took pitches from just about every career counselor out there to prove her point, offers some tips to moms wanting to return to work. Some quotes from the article:

The experts on steps moms can take to reenter the workforce and stay on top of skills:

Figure out what, exactly, you want to do. Start by writing down your goals, priorities, strenghts and weaknesses.
-  Steve McMahan, president of the Atlantic region for Kforce

Analyze every previous significant work and volunteer experience and break it down into the basic components of what each job entailed- the ones you liked and the ones you didn’t. Then you’ll see the opportunities.
- Carol Fishman Cohen, co-author of, “Back on the Career Track: A Guide for Stay-At-Home Moms who want to Return to Work“

Do ‘anything that will show your employer you’ve kept up with developments in your field.
- Jo Bennett, a partner at Battalia Winston International

On building a resume:

You [still] have to address the gap in your work history, but do it in your cover letter and in the “personal” section… For example, if you can say, ‘increased ad sales in the elementary school address book from 25 percent over lasat year’ it shows you have the ability to sell ads.
- Allison O’Kelly, chief executive and founder of Mom Corps

These tips are all from smart people who have good advice.  In theory, if you do what these folks say, you should position yourself nicely to reenter the workforce.  That is, if we all lived on a planet called “Employers Get It,” which unfortunately, we don’t. 

Most of my friends who left their high-paying jobs to raise their kids would like to reenter the workforce at some point.  We discuss it at our play dates a lot.  But either the industry they worked in or the employer they worked for makes it almost prohibitive to do so. I haven’t seen a whole lot of “wow, this company is willing to take me back after being out of sales for 4 years.”  Even if they are running huge events and throwing massive luncheons for charity.  I mean, I see the value in doing these things, but I’m not sure today’s employer is ready to see the “ad sales in the elementary school address book” on a resume yet. I wouldn’t put it on my resume.

One employer, Lehman Bros. does get it, though.  A recent article in Workforce Management discussed a program Lehman Bros. created to reengage mothers they’ve either employed in the past or moms who have worked for other companies in the same industry.  I think it has to be a lot easier and more cost-effective for an employer to “on ramp” someone who’s worked at the organization previously than to “on ramp” a new hire totally new to the company.  Employers who take the time to develop such programs should see financial and cultural benefits from their efforts. Helping to “on ramp” moms should, in theory, be good for business.

But in my reading, I haven’t many other case studies like Lehman Bros. I’m left to think that they don’t really exist.  Or at least, they don’t exist in my circle of friends. Therefore, until I see more employers acting like Lehman Bros., I’m not getting off this ramp.  I don’t want to find a dead-end trying to get back on.

Postscript: Experts out there - you all have some great advice, so if you read this, can you give us some real-life examples of successful placements you’ve had for moms who are looking to reenter the workforce?  Or, readers, do you have some examples?  If I saw more successes, then maybe I’d be able to change my position just a bit. But I’m not ready to back down yet.

Tags: on-ramp, working mom, Lehman Bros., career advice for moms