Self-Made Mom

I haven’t been very good in keeping up on my blog reading lately, but a recent post on the Wall Street Journal Juggle blog recently caught my eye. Actually that’s an understatement.

It pissed me off. 

Not-so-subtedly titled, “Subtle Ways to Help Avoid the Mommy Track,” the post gives some advice for how women can avoid the mommy track. Avoid it like the plague.

The author opens up her post by describing how:

“… some women may choose to scale back at work after having a child, taking on assignments that don’t require travel or extra hours. But others may wind up on a slower track without asking for it. Are there ways, beyond hard work, to keep that from happening?”

The post tries to frame being on the mommy track in a positive light, but the inherent premise of her article and the resulting uninspiring advice (”Keep wardrobe updated and appropriate (i.e. no frumpy suits)” - like moms are assumed to be frumpy! - is that the mommy track is bad and that being pegged on the mommy track is like being associated with lepers or something.

I swear I’m not being defensive, here. We all know that I wear my motherhood proud on my chest, on my desk, wherever.  And I am on the mommy track. I’ve turned down countless projects, assignments, client calls on my day off, because my personal time is personal to me. Has it slowed down me getting a promotion? Most certainly. Do I care? Not really, because I’m not in it right now to be the CEO. I just want to stay in the mix and try to figure out how to get the best of both worlds, which is like trying to climb Mount Everest naked. It’s near impossible. But I, like every working mom out there is just trying to figure it all out as I go.

A post like this furthers the imposibility and reality of making the mommy track work because it fuels the fire that there is such thing as a “mommy track” and that being on it is a bad thing - even if some of us choose it willingly.   It continues to create the divide between working moms and employers and doesn’t do anything to solve the serious problems of today’s inflexible and disappointing work environment.  The problem that most companies and managers don’t realize that creating flexible and understanding work schedules for your employees by letting them create their own paths - mommy track, daddy track, pet track, whatever -  is a better alternative than having your employees hide who they are because they are scared of losing out on projects, promotions and advancement.

So shame on the Juggle’s Ms. Munoz (a fellow working mom) for promoting the negative stereotype and use of a term that incites debate in all of us.  The mainstream media should spend its time focusing on helping today’s employers get a clue about what matters most to working moms today instead of promoting outdated fashion advice.  We can all afford to go get a new suit, but didn’t our moms always tell us it’s what’s on the inside that counts?

Tags: The Juggle, working mom, mommy track
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P.S. In the vein of full disclosure, I should note that I do contribute to a website called “Mommy Track’d” but as its description states, Mommy Track’d is positioned as “a smart and entertaining resource to help manage the daily tug of war between work and home.” And I’d say, without making any judgments.

In my short-lived working mom career, I’ve learned that telling a client you work part-time is about as fun as telling your boss you have to leave early because your nanny called and said you were out of diapers.  Luckilly, I haven’t had to do this much in the past year and a half, which I guess is bad for business, but good for my mojo. 

But just this week I acquired two new clients and have uttered my dreaded mantra:

“Just so you know, I work part-time.”

It’s my passive agressive way of saying - sorry, but I’m not always around at your beck and call.  And I hate saying it. But I have to.

Because what happens if I don’t set the expectations right from the start?  People will be let down and hard feelings will ensue.  This is why I can’t stay in the closet.  Because I can’t put on a facade when I’m not around 24/7.

So I was honest, and you know what? It wasn’t so bad at first.  Turns out one of my new clients is a mom too and she thought my schedule was “perfect.”

Too good to be true? Maybe.

After we basked in the afterglow of my “perfect schedule” she said:

As long as you’re around when we need you.

Touché.  Part-time really only works well part of the time.

I think my last post was a bit of a bust (why does no one else get that joke!?), so for right now I’m going to stick with the basics.

First, I thought I’d tell you exactly what I do for work.  Hell, one of you actually asked me, so that warrants at least some sort of response, right?  And then, because it’s been nagging me for awhile, we’re going to debate if working part-time is working half-assed.  Sound fun? Great!

Technically, I help companies “strengthen their relationships with their employees to achieve business objectives.”  Really, what I really do all day is try to convince companies why employees matter to a company’s bottom line and why ignoring them is really dumb for business.  Get it? Great. Let’s move on.

What’s really been nagging me the last few days is the notion of working part-time equals working half-assed. When my friend quit her part-time job, she mentioned that she felt that she couldn’t give work her “all” and couldn’t give her home life her all either.  She felt that working part-time wasn’t really “working” because she had to give up esteemed projects and not be in on everything possible at work.  Another friend of mine, who recently went back to work and is contemplating quitting said that she doesn’t like to do anything “half-assed” and that working part-time feels like she’s doing it half-assed.

Well, duh.

No matter how you slice it, I’m not sure you can work part-time and:

1) be involved in every major project at work

2) be privy to every important conversation

3) be looked at as a go-to person for every last minute project, crisis, etc.

And I’d like to emphasize that I don’t think these are necessarily negative things, but they are points of consideration that one should think about when working a reduced schedule.  I mean, let’s be honest (I’ll be honest), there is a reason one chooses to come back to work part-time after maternity leave. Because you’re NOT READY or willing to give 100% of your life to work.  I think as long as you set your intention this way it’s ok.

And I don’t think this necessarily means you’re a slacker.

I know that right now, with my reduced schedule I am contributing to major pieces of business, winning new clients (i.e. convincing them that investing in employee communications is not dumb), and am a valued part of the team.  I don’t work on my days off (usually), but when I’m at work I give it my all.  So I guess if you slice it this way I am half present at work.

This most likely means I am not on the fast-track to a promotion.  Or that I will lead our group’s “marquis projects.”  But that’s not my intention right now.  My intention is to create a career path that I’m comfortable with for employers who can work with me through my “decelerated” times (to borrow a word from some smart ladies).  Most likely, at some point, I will ramp back-up my schedule and it will ultimately pay off for my employer because I’ll be more loyal to them and the company I work for.  I hope it works out this way. Maybe that’s why I’m in the kind of work I’m in. To be living proof.

I know some of what I say here is counter to things I’ve said before.  But the more I work part-time, the more I see its reality, both good and bad.  No matter what you do, or how you decide to live your life as a mom people will judge you.  In this way, I’m sure to some people, my ramblings prove that I’m just half-assing it.  But I’m ok with that.  Because really, at the end of the day, I’ll do pretty much anything to keep my backside slim.

Tags: part-time work, flexible work schedules, maternity leave

I can’t stay away from the blog for long. Not when Working Mother magazine comes out with their 100 Best Companies List and I miss posting about it by one day.  I HAVE to make my second (or is it third?) re-entry during a week when something actually newsworthy comes out about us working moms. (Isn’t that my thang?)

So here’s the scoop.  Devra pointed out that the list is stretching the notion of third-party credibility a little too far.  Susan doesn’t think that the “best” will get better without some pushing from the government.  Me? I know deep down that these lists are just a massive PR effort put forth by some low-level hack right out of college.  No, sorry.  Three years out of college. 

My major dilemma with such lists is why do people take them so seriously?  The criteria probably isn’t too rigid (I wish we could see the whole form on their website somewhere without me having to register).  And I’m actually thankful that companies on this list probably are doing more than most companies at least by the fact that they have the goal to be on this list in the first place.  There are worse things a company could pay a PR firm to do with its time do with its time.

That being said, I do see some room for improvement.  Some questions I’d love to add to the survey (of which I have never seen):

• How often does your boss roll his/ her eyes when you ask to leave 10 minutes early to pick your kid up from school?
• How often do you let your subordinates “work from home” on last minute notice?
• How many workers in the office have “I love mom” posters hanging on the wall?
• What is the ratio of women who are ”skinny bitches” vs. “trying to lose the baby weight”?
• What is the percentage of men who know not to ask a woman if she’s pregnant 10 weeks post-partum? (this one assumes a long, paid, restful maternity leave. Ha!)
• Do you have someone on staff to ensure that the snack machine doesn’t have any food with more than 5g of fat in it?

Who’s welcoming me back to the blogosphere?  Can I get a woo-woo?

Until I feel like blogging again…

Tags: working mother magazine, 100 best companies for working mothers, flexible work arrangements, working moms

Did I mention that I’m working “remotely” this entire week? Like, really remotely.  Like, so remote that when I ran out of facial moisturizer yesterday and went to the local grocery store to buy some more they didn’t have my favorite Aveeno one.  My nanny had to go out of town (again!) and since I really have no back up child care, I thought I’d piggyback on my parents vacation.  I’m paying them in love and gratitude.  And a cute kid.  Don’t we all work on our vacations, anyway? 

To accomodate my shift in plans, my parents have basically turned their house into a mini-Kinkos.  I’ve got wireless internet, a brand new speakerphone for my conference calls, a better view than in Chicago, and a fancy color printer. I mean seriously, this is Jewish guilt at it’s worst. (My mother’s already asked me if I can do this again next summer.)

It’s weeks like this when working from home actually works that I wonder if I really do need a big fancy office. Then I read this which totally makes me fume over my 40-minute commute.  But, I’ve honestly never been all that keen about working from home.  It’s a terrific luxury that I have, but it’s not my first choice.  I like getting dressed (ask me if I’ve worn anything but sweats for the past 2 days), I hate hearing my son laugh and not being able to play with him, and I can only watch “The Hills” on mute for so long.  I mean, what are the benefits of working from home when you can’t even enjoy a good Heidi/ LC cat fight?

But, I’d be lying if I didn’t say working remotely has its perks.  I get to sit by the lake during lunch, take a walk on the beach in the morning and dip my toes in the water at sunset.  Then again, it’s not like you guys can see what I’m looking at because my cell phone won’t send picture text messages from up here.

[insert beautiful beach photo]

[caption: How’s your view of the cubicle looking?]

One can only be so plugged in, I guess.

Tags: working from home, working remotely, WAHM

So a funny thing happened at work yesterday.  Somebody (ok, the head honcho)  tried to coordinate a “team dinner” for the evening.  Three years ago, an outing like this would have been a fun diversion after work.  Hell, if someone had given me the head’s up last week I would have happily accepted a freebie dinner in lieu of my typical supper of mac n’ cheese.  Dinner out after work is always a good idea, in theory.  Except when it’s planned only 7 hours in advance.

I don’t do last minute anymore, sorry.

My immediate reaction to last minute plans these days, especially those involving work, is to fume and rant around my office.  (I haven’t moved yet, so I don’t have fun windows to look out of and scream obscenities.) 

No one ever remembers that I have a young child I need to take care of after work.

That’s why I always remind them. 

As you are well aware, I don’t hide in the mommyhood closet.  I just come right out and say what the truth is.  I don’t mean to bash you over the head with the idealistic viewpoint I take, but my actions yesterday caused quite a debate between my friend and I so much that we had this wacky idea to have dueling blog posts about it today.

See, this good friend of mine hides behind her motherhood like a coat in the closet.  Other women keep motherhood a secret too.  I like a good coat and all, but my feeling is that if you can’t stay true to yourself and your life, well, then you’re selling yourself short.  In my defense, I work for a very understanding boss and employer, who “gets” it. (Don’t you love that saying?)  And I feel that I have nothing to lose in my “take it or leave it, I’m a mom now” approach.

That’s why I was just honest and forthright about why I couldn’t make the last minute dinner request.

“I can’t do it, I’m sorry.”

And guess what? The head honcho understood.

In my book, there’s nothing wrong with laying it on the line and coming right out from your closet.  Except if that coat you’re hiding behind is made of a fine tweed. Or has Burberry plaid. Or is mohair.

That title get you? Did you actually think I meant that I was going to start working instead of blogging? Ha! No seriously.  I looked back at some of my recent posts and realized I’ve taken a bit of a vacation from writing about what really gets me going - the ups and downs of working motherhood (with a bit of celebrity thrown in.)  But this week I’ve had some good conversations with some “experts” and read some interesting articles I need to report back to you all on.  Hopefully this will tide y’all over until I can “live blog” at BlogHer. (Didn’t that sound all big and bad?)  Here goes:

You say Ay-quent, I say Ah-quent: 
So today, I spoke with Denise Nash of Aquent (it’s pronounced ay-quent, not ah-quent) - the staffing agency for marketing professionals.  Denise is the “Director of Work-Life” for the organization and helps Aquent with sponsorships, build awareness, etc.  The company has been around for 20 years and staffs marketing experts on a project basis. They’re huge - 70 offices in 16 countries! Most of their “consultants” are MBAs with 5-7 years experience.  I checked out the website and it seems like they have some really promising opportunities for people who want to be staffed on short-term-to-permanent jobs. 

Does process work with part-time?
Yesterday, I had lunch with an old professor of mine from graduate school.  (By old, I don’t mean age, I mean I went to school awhile ago.) Over the biggest Chinese chicken salad I ever saw, we discussed my current part-time work situation.  He began to tell me his dealings with a major major corporation and their adherence to the Six Sigma practice. He challenged me with this question: Can you work in a part-time capacity and still fulfill the tenets of Six Sigma or some other corporate mumbo-jumbo process? Of course, my inital reaction was “yes,” but really, I’m too brain-dead to fully figure out the answer. What do you think? I told him I’d get back to him with a response. Stat. Or else he said he was going reverse my grade point or something evil like that.

Some gratuitous B-celebrity working mom news:
It’s been awhile since we’ve gotten good “celeb” working mom news.  But I read two stories today that caught my eye:

1. Did you know Lindsay Davenport is back on the courts? She must be super-human because she only had a C-section like 6 weeks ago.  I mean, she’s not playing in the U.S. Open, or anything, so she’s not that cool, but still.  My favorite line from the article: “It’s [her return to work] turned into a bigger story than I’m comfortable with.”  See? The media is STARVING for a new celeb working mom.  You go, Linds.
2. My favorite news anchor is preggo!! Campbell Brown, who dresses way too conservatively for me, but who’s no-nonsense attitude I love is with child.  And she’s got a new job at CNN, where she will be eight months pregnant when she goes on the air! Talk about interviewing for a new job knowing that you’re already pregnant.  And I love that she thinks she’ll be ready to go back to work by Feb. 5 for big-state primaries.  That’s so cute, Campby.

That’s all I got for now… toodles til’ BlogHer!

Tags: Campbell Brown, Lindsay Davenport, working mom, Aquent, Denise Nash, BlogHer

Did I ever mention that I love working part-time? (And that I’m lucky enough to be able to do it?) Well, if I didn’t, I will say it again.  And, in case you haven’t heard yet, today’s top working mom news story (that couldn’t possibly have taken anyone by surprise) is that the “majority of working moms would be happiest in part-time jobs.”  Yes, I agree. I think I’m in the happiest position I could be in my current work schedule arrangement (my feelings about returning from vacation aside.)

I work part-time and my days off aren’t filled with the rat race of errands.  As I commented on the Juggle blog today about this topic, I believe I am in this special and unique position for two (and I added a third and fourth here) reason:

1) I have a very understanding boss.  She is supportive of my schedule, respects my days off and tries to include me as much as possible in fulfilling and substantial work while realizing my limitations.

2) Terrific child care. I have a great nanny who I can afford (just barely) to have for an extra few hours each week so I can run those errands on MY time, not my baby’s time. And not my husband’s time, because well, he just works to damn much for that to be a realistic option.

3) Great coworkers.  If I didn’t have such a great team to work with, I’d never be able to pull off this part-time coup of mine. When I’m out, they pitch in. Ask me how they can help and fill in the slack that I leave.  Who could ask for anything more? At the moment, I’m hard pressed to ask anything.

4) My husband has awesome benefits. My firm offers a terrific benefits package as well, but since I don’t qualify for benefits, I’m lucky that my spouse’s is just as competitive. If that weren’t the case, it’d be hard to justify the part-time gig as well.

Which leads me to my next thought: there are all these qualifiers to how a mom can make a part-time schedule work. It can’t just be “I want to work part-time.” Instead, the situation of trying to work part-time becomes like a shopping mission to Target: If you went there to get Dreft and a swimsuit cover-up (don’t tell me you’ve never done that) but all you could find at the store was Gain and a short, strapless terry cloth-thingy that doesn’t cover buptkis, your shopping cart isn’t filled and your mission wasn’t successful.

Same with making part-time work. If the four (and many more) factors don’t fit together perfectly, it’s hard to be successful working part-time.

I totally lucked out and I’m sad for my coworkers and friends who aren’t able to fill their cart with what they need.  But Target restocks often, and I’m hopeful that one of these days, companies, managers, CEOs and the like will take stock of their employees (who, given more flexibilility and freedom are more likely to put in their discretionary effort), and will reshelve their benefits and flexible work options to fit even the largest of bodies.

Or else, those darn cover-ups will continue to stay on the shelves and linger on, until one day they’re put on sale and then discarded to the warehouse.  And that doesn’t fit anyone’s best interests, does it?

Tags: part-time work, flexible work arrangements, Washington Post, The Juggle, working moms

I knew this day was coming.  The day my partner-in-working-mom-crime would quit her job.

And it happened today.

Last year at this time we were planning our work schedules together, my comrade in working motherhood, my amigo in work-life balance.  She was one of the few I could joke with about working on our days off and conducting conference calls during nap time.  I remember planning our part-time schedules together so that we could do activities with our kids on our days off and meet up for drinks after a long work day.  (Guess which one of those never happened?)

Now this year, she’s made the decision we all struggle with.  And while her decision was fraught with uncertainty, her voice sounded pleased.  I know she’ll be happier staying home. And at the end of the day, she said it just felt right for her.

But I’m not feeling alright out here alone without my partner in crime.  And as much as I flaunt my love of working motherhood, sometimes, there’s safety in numbers.

Tags: working mom, mom friends, SAHM

Nataly, over at Work It, Mom! started an interesting weekly feature that asks you to “Speak Your Mind“ via an essay contest. Winner gets a $50 gift certificate from Spafinder.com (hello, why wouldn’t you do it!?)  This week’s topic is:

If money was no issue, would you work and what would you do? Here’s what I wrote:My husband makes a nice living, and therefore I don’t have to work.  I live in my dream house, have a car that I can drive where I please and order take-out for dinner. (Cook? Who, me?)  But yet, even with all the creature comforts a woman could ask for I still work.  I am the luckiest woman I know - I have a choice.  But don’t think that it still isn’t a tough decision.  I still struggle with leaving my son with his caretaker, a nanny.  I worry that the logistics of my job (travel and unpredictable hours) strain my family.  But I know at the end of the day, I’m happier getting out of the house, going to an office and doing a job that I feel is important - helping companies improve relations with their employees.  While working part-time made the decision easier, the choice to stay home and not work didn’t feel right to me.  And we all know that a happy mommy helps make for a happy family.  At least in my house. Now go on over to Work It, Mom! and speak your own mind!

Tags: Work It, Mom!, working moms, flexible work arrangements, mommy wars