Self-Made Mom

Apparently 11 percent of personal care workers who change diapers as part of their job duty reported having depression lasting 2 weeks or longer, according to this article.

And yes, I’m still here, contrary to the fact that I still can’t piece together a witty one-liner.  And this story SO needs a witty one-liner.

So lemme hear your snarky response.  I need a laugh this morning.

What do you do when you’ve laid (or is it lied?) around the house all day sick, stay up too late catching up on e-mails and overdue work?

You go on the local parenting website and see if there are any good nannies to steal interview.

It was then that I found yet another message board posting for a nanny I interviewed recently.  I liked her enough to ask her back to meet my husband (second date!), but was cancelled on before we could meet.  It turns out she didn’t like that I called her reference back for the second time to ask more follow up questions. (Apparently old boss and nanny chatted about such conversation.) And then she accused me of not believing her boss in the first place.  She was rude and spiteful in her remarks.

So here’s my dilemma: do I post such feedback on the parents’ site for all to see? Or do I keep my nasty little secret to myself?

I love don’t like to gossip, but I want to help others who may seek out this bee-yatch for employment.  I mean, I think there’s a reason she still doesn’t have a job.

And you thought I could stick to my plan for change for more than a day? (Muwhahaaaa)

Even though I haven’t posted here in awhile, I have been keeping up on some interesting developments across the blogosphere.  

• I’ve been following this story on the new mom who was denied a longer break during her medical licensing exam so that she could pump breast milk for her infant daughter.   Apparently judges in Massachusetts are ignoring the PRO- breastfeeding information their counterparts at the Dept of Health and Human Services are putting out.  The insanity of our government trying to control how a woman decides to use her body and then denying what they preach will continue to confound me.  Thanks to Boston Mommy and Alex for keeping this story going.
• Speaking of breastfeeding, you’ll get a kick out of this Facebook fiasco. They’ve deleted photos of breastfeeding mothers from their site.  Outrage has ensued.  Meaning 17,000 people joined a protest group.  I never was really into any of those social networking sites anyway.
• JUST IN- read this tonight in the New York Times: not surprisingly, a new study that came this week shows that “over the last decade, women have shown some progress in ascending the corporate hierarchy… but… we find that women make up only 2.6 percent of chief executives at Fortune 500 companies.” I have my annual review next month. Wish me luck.
• AND- my friend Susan posted this about a new study that came out from the Institute for Women’s Policy Research about the Working Mother 100 Best Companies for mothers.  Only 52 percent of these 100 so-called “best places to work for mothers” provided six weeks or less of paid maternity leave.  Twenty four percent of the companies on the list provided four or fewer weeks.  Seriously, who is coming up with the criteria for this list? MEN? At least I never put a lot of weight into these lists.  No, not when a main reason people get on it in the first place is because a junior-level PR staffer filled out a form correctly or something. I would, however, like to get back to the criteria of this list at some point when I’m blogging again.

Oh, and I had to share this awesome quote from Eva Longoria on whether or not she’d keep working if she had kids.  She says:

… it (working) doesn’t mean I would have to stop working.  But I would rather take some time off after giving birth and devote myself to being a mom for the early months. Having a child should be a very precious moment in a woman’s life, and I don’t want to worry about showing up on a set at 7:00 in the morning and have a nanny look after my baby during the day… I want to be a very loving and caring mother.

Ah, right, I forgot… those of us who employ nannies are anything but loving and caring.  Let’s check back with Eva when that cutie of hers is screaming at 3 a.m.

On that note, back to my black hole of nanny-hunting and non-blogging.

Tags: Eva Longoria, Facebook, breastfeeding, Harvard Medical School,Working Mother, Institute for Women’s Policy Research,

I know I’m officially on a “break,” but this was too good not to share with you all.

New nanny told me this morning that she has decided to move to the ‘burbs to be closer to her family and would rather not commute into the city for work. Especially in the wintertime.

Yes, I’m on the nanny hunt. AGAIN.

Yes, I’ll be telling dear husband we have to weigh ALL options, including day care this time around.

Yes, I came about two seconds away from not coming into work today or ever again.

Yes, I’m ready to pull my hair out.

Did that answer most of your questions?

I’m likening acclimating my son to our new nanny to Bush’s stance on Iraq.  We are making meager gains.  It has been such a trying week that I have had to resort to my last possible battle plan: hovering over the new nanny like a Chinook over the desert.  I watch her every move with distrust.  I stake out her operations to find the holes.

I’ve drawn the enemy lines and I’m ready to pounce at any misstep.

I can’t help it. I’m on the defensive here.  I’ve been badly burned in the nanny game, and I don’t want any sneak attacks or unpleasant offensives.  I’m looking for a peace treaty, but in the meantime, she’s encroaching on my turf and I need to defend my territory.  This battle will only end when the tears do.

Tags: helicopter parent, nannies, nannies and mothers

New nanny officially started today and I’m officially a nervous wreck.  Being a few minutes late this morning and not picking up the phone RIGHT AWAY aren’t helping. Did she really need to use the bathroom? Sheesh.

I can’t concentrate at work.  All I’d like to do is curl up in child’s pose under my desk and hide from my anxiety.  But I have to fight the new nanny demons standing straight up, I know that.

Please yogi gurus out there, send a little pranayama breathing my way, would ya?

My long and drawn out search for the world’s perfect nanny is over! Done. Finito. I called her tonight. She was very excited, and it was sweet. While I may not be in love, I’m in deep like, and I think she’ll be the right fit.  You can’t hurry love, right?

I’m ready to move on and be my old self again. I take that back - I want to be my YOUNG self again. (I think I’ve aged about 10 years this last week.) But first, a list of thank yous:

• Husband- already thanked you
• Mom/ MIL - no more stalking, k?
• Father - same goes for you
• Real-life friends - I owe you a drink
• Blog-life friends - Too bad you don’t live near me, or I’d buy you a drink too
• Brother’s random friend from law school - thanks for the baby sitting offer!
• Seaside nannies - appreciate the gesture - if you weren’t in San Diego I’d be all over it
• Day care fanatics - you convinced me, but not my husband

I went with the gut, and I hope it works out.  And I’m glad to be able to blog about something else for a change.

The end.

Or is it just the beginning?

I’m having one of the strongest candidates I met come over this morning for a few hours so I can see how it goes with her in my home. Thought I’d liveblog it for your voyeuristic enjoyment…

8:30 am- she was waiting for me on my doorstep. I was out for a walk, and was late. Whoops. Good that she was early, though.

8:45 am - headed to park. Her swing-pushing skills are up to par.

9:15 am - at home. They’re playing in the basement. She’s singing some “dinosaur” song I’ve never heard of. 

9:30 am - she’s putting him to bed right now. I hear books crashing on the floor in there and a meek voice saying “mama.” G-d it’s tough not to go in there.

9:40 am - son’s in bed. Nanny just realized she left her cell phone in his bedroom. SH**! She went in. All is fine. Put that baby on vibrate, would ya?

9:46 am - I’m going to run some errands and see how she does on her own for an hour. I gotta try it right?

10:14 am - haven’t left yet. Was talking to nanny. She has TWO other offers. Ugh! Need to decide fast.

11:00 am (update, this is about as live as I can get) - nanny is doing a good job. She doesn’t have the most exuberant personality, but she’s sweet. She’s probably just as nervous as I am. I think I could get used to her.

11:30 am - she’s gone. It’s now decision time.

At least I’m not alone in being nervous around the nanny today!

I’m still going and going and going on the nanny hunt.  We’ve met some “good” candidates, but I’m not falling in love with anyone. I’m not sure if I’m being too picky, but since I got burned last week, I don’t want to rush into anything.

Of course, I don’t want to write about anything else, either, so I’m sorry that my blog has been painfully boring lately.  It doesn’t help that everywhere I turn people are writing about nannies.  I’m still threatening to quit.  But my husband says that’s crazy.  I just hope I can find someone soon before my batteries run out.

You all know I have nanny on the brain this week, but I want to interrupt this regularly scheduled nanny search update to tell you about my husband.  And how incredibly supportive and understanding he’s been through this aggravating episode of working motherhood.  It affects working fatherhood too, as I’ve realized this week.

Because the burden of child care rests squarely on my shoulders, my husband is typically in the shadows.  But not this week.  This week my husband is with me in lock step through everything - interviews, investigating, debating, and laughing.  He’s upset and angry about what happened too, even if in the past, he hasn’t always been around for the day-to-day interaction. 

But when it really matters, he’s there.  Like today, when he took off work to care for our son.  I can count on one hand the number of weekdays he’s taken off in the past year.  And for him to do it today, and do it with gusto, and continue to be the great father he is makes me want to say one thing:

Thank you.

Hmm… maybe what I really need is a manny. 

Tags: manny, nanny