Self-Made Mom

A snowstorm in April:

This is not what I call “spring skiing.”

A random product I reviewed a long time ago (so long that I can’t even find it in my archives) staring at me from the bar where I was enjoying a drink called, “The Geisha.”

To my knowledge, Gloves in a Bottle is NOT a key ingredient to the Geisha drink.

Making it onto Alltop Moms. I can’t even believe I’m in the company listed on this site. I’m all the way at the bottom, but who cares, I’m there! (Thanks, Nicole.)

Kim, thanks for the button. That about sums it up for me too!

Seeing many friends of mine in the blogosphere meeting KATIE COURIC in NYC. Beth, next time you offer me a chance like this, remind me that my husband will always be there, while Katie may not be. You guys rock!!

Vacationing alone with hubby is overrated compared to meeting #1 female celebrity. Just kidding, honey.

That’s all until I get back from snowy paradise…

Edited to add: I SO did NOT meet Katie!! I think re-reading the caption it makes me sound like I did, but I didn’t. Just jealous of those that did. Next time I’ll get out of my vacation haze and proof before I write!

It’s always fun to see how celebrities are quoted about how they handle motherhood and work.  So when I came across this story in USA Today I couldn’t resist quoting yet the newest working mom on the block - Julianna Margulies, who’s starring in a new show, Canterbury’s Law, this Monday night. In the series, she plays a ball-buster lawyer. In real life, she’s mom to six-week-old Kieran.  I’m sure she was asked the obligatory, “how did you handle pregnancy and working?” question, which elicited this response:

I got pregnant by surprise at the end of April, and in May, we found out we were picked up. I don’t want to be the working mother. We’ve seen it a million times. How do you juggle? And it is impossibly difficult, as I’m now finding out.

Furthermore, she was against writing her pregnancy into the show. Most times I find it irritating when celebrities wax poetic or give unrealistic advice about the beauty of working and raising their children on movie sets or whatever.  So, thanks Julianna for keeping it real. It is impossible to juggle.

Tags: Julianna Marguiles, working moms, celebrity moms, Canterbury’s Law

I just finished watching the premiere episode of TLC’s new show, “The Secret Life of a Soccer Mom,” and I have to be honest - I liked it way more than I thought I would.  I knew plenty about the show after talking to the host, Tracey Gold, yesterday, but typically I don’t let my DVR record things that have the words “Secret” and “Mom” in the same title (sounds kind of like a bad Lifetime move, don’t you think?).  However, after whizzing through the show in about 45 minutes, I found myself with a bit of a lump in my throat and a little more happiness about the choice I made to be a SAHM.

The first episode centered on Adrian Stark, wife of a doctor and a mom of three.  A wannabe fashion designer before she had kids, the show gave Ms. Stark the opportunity to work for fashion designer Bianca Nero for a week under the guise that she was “going to a spa.” (Hence, the “secret.” Lifetime references abound.) So while she went off to her new “job,” her husband stayed at home watching the girls. It was your typical here’s-what-happens-when-the-mom-works-scenario with the kids running wild and the house in disarray. Let’s just say if there are assistants who cook the food all day while you’re away it’s not that realistic.

And watching Ms. Stark do her assignment was kind of like watching a summer intern at work.  The bosses came down hard and fast and Ms. Stark looked frazzled and nervous.  I can only imagine, though, how she must have felt, considering before I interviewed Ms. Gold yesterday (my first “real” story since I stopped working) I was sweating like a pig.  The point? It’s hard to rejigger your brain into work mode after you’ve been in SAHM mode. I thought the show treated that shift well.

Some folks were a little bothered by the secretive nature of the show, but I just chalked it up to the fact that it’s on TV. I mean, how else were they going to get those moms out of the house? I know if I want to leave for a day I have to book it like 3 weeks in advance, call in major reinforcements and clear it with a slew of people. Anyway, *spoiler alert* at the end of the show, Ms. Stark does a great job, gets the job of her dreams and accepts a full-time position with the designer. Dad seemed truly happy for her and the kids were thrilled. (This is the part where I got a lump in my throat.)  It was sweet, really. You could tell that she loved staying at home with her kids, but wanted to try something new, so kudos to her!

This show isn’t going to be for everyone, though. Some will think it’s going to fuel the Mommy Wars and devalue women’s choices.  But I’d like to think more positively about it after watching it. It gives a little insight into a typical my SAHM life and what can happen down the road. And I think it’s good for moms in general to watch other mothers go through what many of us think about as well as show employers that even if you are out of the workforce for awhile you still got ’skillz (er, skills.)

So if they have to throw in a few television cliches in the process I’m not going to sweat it.  I’m going to record it again next week and maybe catch a good movie on Lifetime while I’m at it.  Hey, we all have to live vicariously once in awhile, right?

Tags: The Secret Life of a Soccer Mom,, celebrity+moms, Tracey Gold, mommy wars, working moms, SAHM

I remember Tracey Gold most from her days as Carol Seaver on the ’80s hit “Growing Pains.”  But Tracey, with her long career in acting, is much more than just a teenage superstar.  Mother of three (with one on the way in 3 1/2 weeks!), Tracey has been through more ups and downs as a woman than anyone I know.  Tonight, she’s starting a new chapter of her career as host of TLC’s new show, “The Secret Life of Soccer Moms.” (The show airs Mondays at 10/9 Central on TLC.) I got the amazing opportunity to talk to Tracey today from my “home office” (who says I’m not working!).  As a mom who just quit her job, I’m selfishly curious about this topic. Read on for my interview and tune back tomorrow for my commentary about the show.

SMM: How did you get involved in “The Secret Life of Soccer Moms”?
TG: I met the head executive of TLC back in June on another project and when he took over TLC he brought me in for this show, and pitched it. He didn’t know I was pregnant, though, so it threw him for a curveball, but I assured him that I could do it being pregnant and that I really relate to all the conflict and guilt of working moms.  Even though it’s a hosting job, I’m a woman and a mom too and I can share in these experiences.  I really thought the show was a great idea, and I couldn’t believe it hadn’t been done before.

SMM: Have you always been a working mom? Or did you take time off yourself?
TG: I have always worked. My job is such that I can work some and then take time to be a stay at home mom. I absolutely love to work and for me it’s a good balance. I’ve never felt like it’s been too much. The good thing about my job is that it’s conducive to being a mom. I know how lucky I am.

SMM: How was it starting a new job while pregnant?
TG: I was ok with it. If it was my first I would have thought differently, I think. But it’s my fourth child and I have had great pregnancies. At the end of the day, people were generally really accepting of it and I think in my industry it’s more acceptable to be pregnant. It’s become the hot new thing! We finished eight episodes, now I’m working to promote it and hopefully it will et picked up.

SMM: Was it hard to find the stay-at-home mom jobs? Were the jobs typically in the same field from ones they had left?
TG: It wasn’t hard to find the jobs, and in terms of the kind of jobs they worked in, it was mixed.  It’s not hard to find moms who wonder ‘what could have been if I took a different path?’ People were receptive and threw themselves into it. All the families were so different in terms of whether or not the moms took the job - some did and some didn’t.  Some moms were crying because they would have liked to have gone back, but there were logistical issues of day care, etc.  This was real life, not just a reality show.  Unfortunately, I don’t think there are a ton of opportunities for moms who’ve been out of the workforce for 10 years.

SMM: Can you tell me a little bit about how the show works?
TG: In the beginning, the moms really don’t know what they’re getting into. The moms go back, they leave and then they are sequestered for three nights doing their jobs. The dads think they are out doing the spa thing! Then on the last day, we bring the dad in and tell him what’s really going on. You get a mixed kind of reaction from the dads and the families. Some are good and some aren’t. Having the husband there adds a different dimension. And having the dad there changed the wife’s perspective too.  The mom could be loving the job, but the dad isn’t loving the idea of the mom working so much and then the mom decides she wants to stay home. No matter what, though, working brought the moms a new-found confidence to stay at home. Being a stay-at-home mom is one of the most under-appreciated jobs around, but it’s the most important one. Once the moms saw themselves being successful at something else it gave them extra confidence once they went home.

SMM: How did the employers treat the moms who went back to work? Did they need to be re-trained?
TG: The employers were hugely supportive and very receptive to helping them. Some moms fit right in and others needed to be caught up. They’d go into the job really excited but realize how hard it was and want to go home where they were loved and appreciated. They liked the safety of being at home.

SMM: What advice did you give to moms on the show? What kind of advice can you give to stay-at-home moms who want to go back to work when their kids are older?
TG: I always feel like I’m going through the same situation other moms are going through. I’m trying to figure it out too as I go and I’m not going to tell anyone what to do.  I think having a good support team is really important. I’m really lucky, as I have my mom and don’t need to have a nanny - it’s a real blessing. What I learned is that these women don’t necessarily ask what’s good for them all the time. They need to start asking what’s good for them and not fall into a trap of being a marytr at home.
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For an interesting debate about the premise and name of the show, check out Elizabeth’s post. Can’t say I disagree with her arguments all that much, but I’ll wait to watch the show before I fully decide how I feel.

Tags: Tracey Gold, TLC, The Secret Life of Soccer Moms, celebrity moms

I just issued a directive to my husband but called him by my son’s name.

Clearly, I’m spending too much time at home.  Or, that I’m finally turning into my mother. I gotta do something about that.

p.s. I’m so excited because I’m interviewing someone famous tomorrow about something pretty cool! Stay tuned - it’s about time I wrote a “real” post around here and that someone comments back to me. Geez, where is everyone lately?

I rarely get political on this blog, but Katie Couric’s 60 Minutes interview last night with Hillary Clinton has made me crawl out from under my keep-my-mouth-shut-about-all-things-political bunker.

Uhm, what was up with that?

Hil + KC = BFF

I felt like I was watching a Barbara Walters Oscar special, not a serious interview with a candidate deadlocked in of one of the tightest Democratic contests in years. It’s unfortunate that with all the issues out there to discuss, Katie Couric had to inject her annoyingly-perky self into the questions.  This exchange nearly had me gagging on the remote (thanks to The Swamp for transcribing the hokey).

KATIE COURIC:

Someone told me your nickname in school was Miss Frigidaire. Is that true?

HILLARY CLINTON:

Only with some boys. (laugh)

KATIE COURIC:

I don’t know if I wanna hear the back story on that.

HILLARY CLINTON:

Yeah, well you wouldn’t know the boys either. (laugh)…

I mean, thank g-d Hil  has been called things way worse than “Frigidaire” so she could come up with a good retort.  But the real question/ issue for me was the nature of Katie’s questions and the interview set-up in general. Why didn’t Couric get Obama to interview? What PR person was behind the decision to set the two “working women” up together? Perhaps it wasn’t on purpose, but Katie’s “friendly” demeanor did nothing to but turn her interview with the next potential Commander in Chief into a mind-numbing coffee-klatch.

Instead of questions like, “so explain to me how you’re an underdog” that Steve Kroft asked Obama, Clinton had to explain “how do you do it?” (meaning how do you keep going and going) to the point where Clinton actually admitted she eats hot peppers to maintain her stamina.  Didn’t you know? Jalapeno peppers are the new Coke.

A grande coffee’s got nothing on a couple of these.

Katie, with her affecting demeanor, could have seized the chance to make this woman-on-woman interview something special.  Two smart, successful working moms talking about real issues that matter to the voters.  Instead, Couric turned it into a “oh, won’t you be my best friend right now” type moment that demeaned Senator Clinton and didn’t add anything to her credibility as a news anchor.  I mean, can you just see her moderating a debate?

“Senator McCain, now here’s a serious one - who are you wearing tonight?” 

I mean, please.  You all know I’m supporting Clinton in this election, and what I was hoping to see was the affable interviewer making Clinton a little more like her - likeable.  All I got, though, was a bad stomach ache and the knowledge that giggling over high school nicknames aren’t going to get a woman closer to the Oval Office.

Tags: Katie Couric, Hillary Clinton, 60 Minutes

Behold the Britney display at my local Barnes and Noble:

Me thinks this is overkill. 

Tags: Britney Spears, celebrity moms

Last night, my husband suggested that we watch the show Cashmere Mafia again.  I know he’s trying to be supportive about my transition out of the workforce, and truthfully, I’d be the last person to turn down an offer to watch cheesy girlie shows with her very straight husband.

So I obliged, but as the show progressed, I found myself in a worse mood than before it had started. Cashmere Mafia is nothing more than a perpetuation of the worst possible stereotypes of the struggle between working motherhood and SAHM life - one life I’ve known and one that I’ll be privy to in a few short days.

When I watched the show last week I chuckled at the notion that the ”regular working mom,” Zoe, would have the time or the energy to don a neglige and ask her husband “how would you like your steak done?” as they get into bed after hiring and firing a new nanny.  Not only was that line terrible (but one I’ve used jokingly on my husband ever since), but it gives off the impression that not only does this woman have to bust her ass all day in the office, figure out child care (and it appeared her husband did not work) but also come across as a sexy plaything at night. I mean, what working mom has the energy to do that? And don’t get me started on the other working mom caricature, Juliet, who makes Miranda from the Devil Wears Prada look like mother of the year.

But last night’s episode put me over the edge. In the parts of the show that I actually watched, they pitted pitiful Zoe against what appeared to be the SAHM Queen. Decked out in her fancy sweats, making tofu stir fry for her 8 year old, she was the protypical ice princess of the playground.  And when the battle of mommy guilt became too much for our working mom heroine, all she had to do was wave a finger and use her work connections to put the SAHM to shame.  Even blew her off with a fake “conference call.”

Now I’ve pulled the “I’ve got a conference call” line on many a person that I didn’t feel like talking to, but the way it was presented in the show made me uneasy.  It was as if having a conference call to actually attend made her superior to the SAHM cat fight of what moms got to go to the kid’s field trip. Nuh uh, sister.  If a working mom pulled that on me when I become an SAHM I’d slap her BlackBerry silly.

I know Hollywood is a stereotyping machine, and this show wasn’t created to take the moral high ground on such issues of working motherhood, but after suffering through two episodes, I’ve just got to wonder if the television writers of America can’t do better than making women on prime time be such vapid losers.

If not, I’m not so sure I want any of them to come back from being on strike.  I’d rather watch the women duke it out in real life on American Gladiators than deal with the fake mommy wars concoction of Cashmere Mafia.

Tags: cashmere mafia, abc primetime, mommy wars, stereotypes

Even though I haven’t posted here in awhile, I have been keeping up on some interesting developments across the blogosphere.  

• I’ve been following this story on the new mom who was denied a longer break during her medical licensing exam so that she could pump breast milk for her infant daughter.   Apparently judges in Massachusetts are ignoring the PRO- breastfeeding information their counterparts at the Dept of Health and Human Services are putting out.  The insanity of our government trying to control how a woman decides to use her body and then denying what they preach will continue to confound me.  Thanks to Boston Mommy and Alex for keeping this story going.
• Speaking of breastfeeding, you’ll get a kick out of this Facebook fiasco. They’ve deleted photos of breastfeeding mothers from their site.  Outrage has ensued.  Meaning 17,000 people joined a protest group.  I never was really into any of those social networking sites anyway.
• JUST IN- read this tonight in the New York Times: not surprisingly, a new study that came this week shows that “over the last decade, women have shown some progress in ascending the corporate hierarchy… but… we find that women make up only 2.6 percent of chief executives at Fortune 500 companies.” I have my annual review next month. Wish me luck.
• AND- my friend Susan posted this about a new study that came out from the Institute for Women’s Policy Research about the Working Mother 100 Best Companies for mothers.  Only 52 percent of these 100 so-called “best places to work for mothers” provided six weeks or less of paid maternity leave.  Twenty four percent of the companies on the list provided four or fewer weeks.  Seriously, who is coming up with the criteria for this list? MEN? At least I never put a lot of weight into these lists.  No, not when a main reason people get on it in the first place is because a junior-level PR staffer filled out a form correctly or something. I would, however, like to get back to the criteria of this list at some point when I’m blogging again.

Oh, and I had to share this awesome quote from Eva Longoria on whether or not she’d keep working if she had kids.  She says:

… it (working) doesn’t mean I would have to stop working.  But I would rather take some time off after giving birth and devote myself to being a mom for the early months. Having a child should be a very precious moment in a woman’s life, and I don’t want to worry about showing up on a set at 7:00 in the morning and have a nanny look after my baby during the day… I want to be a very loving and caring mother.

Ah, right, I forgot… those of us who employ nannies are anything but loving and caring.  Let’s check back with Eva when that cutie of hers is screaming at 3 a.m.

On that note, back to my black hole of nanny-hunting and non-blogging.

Tags: Eva Longoria, Facebook, breastfeeding, Harvard Medical School,Working Mother, Institute for Women’s Policy Research,

I couldn’t believe this “working mom” story when I read it: ”Torres sets record in 50 freestyle.”  Yes - the same Dana Torres that I remember watching swim when I was younger (a LOT younger.)  She’s back in action, breaking her American record in the 50-meter freestyle this weekend.  Did I mention that she’s 40 years old?  Oh, and wait.  She has a 15-month-old daughter.

I did a double take too.  Apparently she started swimming again after 7 years of retirement to take off some of the baby weight.  (Unlike the rest of us who wait a looong time before donning a bathing suit again.)  Which I guess turned into, “hmm… maybe I can just qualify for ONE more race.”  And then she goes and wins a national title.  Now there’s talk of another Olympic Medal.  Yeah, kind of like what happened when I went back to work after baby. 

Tags: Dana Torres, on-ramp