The udder mother
posted in Mom Rants, Mommy Wars |Now before you all think I’ve been swept away with the fuzz under the rug, I haven’t. I’ve just been at the petting zoo. The place where moms have 10 udders, but at least get to sleep while their children pester them for food.
There’s not enough Lasinoh cream on the market to keep her nipples from hurting.
I mean the zoo really puts things into perspective - just when I start to feel stressed about not working, or guilty, or needing a really long vacation away, I remember that things could be worse. I’m pretty sure those animals don’t have Tivo in their crates.
Animals also don’t get fun DVDs about new television shows sent to them by friends, and I didn’t see any Tory Burch flip-flops (I missed the memo about wearing those to the zoo today) on the mommy cows. By g-d those animals are so unstylish. I also bet that the cute little pony eating her hay doesn’t have to worry about giving her first presentation in a long time tomorrow to a room full of strangers for a position she has a snowball’s chance in hell of getting.
As different as our lives may seem, however, there are some strong similarities between our barnyard brethren and us. We are both responsible for our children’s health, well-being and need to ensure that they’re fed, clothed (or have enough fur or hair or whatever), and have a place to sleep (I’ll take my Tempurpedic pillow over a bale of hay any day.) When you get right down to it, the only thing that separates a stay-at-home mom with a billy goat mom is that the billy goat can kick her kid away when he’s being annoying. I tried that move once, but I got too many dirty stares from onlookers to ever repeat it.
There’s something to be said, though, about living more like the animals. Their nipples may hurt, but I bet the mama sheep doesn’t give a lick about what the mama pig feeds her kid for dinner. Or if her pig husband brings home the bacon. I mean how bad could it really be to lie around all day letting your little piggies pick at your boobs for a bite every now and again?
Udderly awful. I think I’ll stick with my sushi take-out, down comforter-loving self at least until my next visit.
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