Torn

17th April 2008

posted in Mom Rants |

Herein lies my latest dilemma: I finally get a writing assignment from a respectable local publication, I get knee deep into it, and realize that I still don’t like stress and deadlines.

It all sounds good the way the experts tell you to do it. “Stay in the mix!” “Keep your options open!” “Do a little something on the side when your kids nap!” But, the reality is, when my kid naps, I’d rather sit on the couch and watch the latest episode of “The Hills” instead. My friend laughed when I told her this, but I told her I wasn’t kidding.

I’m torn. Just like that Natalie Imbruglia song but without the shitty boyfriend.

It’s hard to do the SAHM thing full-time when you’re Type A and know that deep down you’re not entirely satisfied making dinners and going to the park and playing with blocks until your hands get tired. It satisfies me 99 percent of the time, but when that one percent kicks in, I take on assignments. But then I complain about spending my nights nose-dived into the computer.

I like having something to “do,” but I don’t like the act of doing it. I absolutely don’t want to go back to work right now, but I also don’t want to leave tush imprints permanently indented into my couch.

I’m torn.

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1 On April 17th, 2008, Maureen said:

I hear you!

Nap time is for The Hills, anyway.

Finish this assignment and then put a post on your computer — NO MORE!

Maureen

2 On April 17th, 2008, PunditMom said:

You just wrote the story of my life. Are you my twin separated at birth? I’m working on a piece now for a great magazine that I worked really hard to get, and now, I’m thinking — I need to go for a walk to the little store down the street for Diet Coke before PunditGirl gets home.

(Deep sigh).

3 On April 17th, 2008, Susan said:

If it makes you feel better, I don’t like doing anything I “have” to do. No matter what it is. But then I do it anyway, and I feel glad (usually) that I did it. And the cycle continues ad nauseum.

4 On April 17th, 2008, Allison said:

ok - here’s my unsolicited opinion. if you’re not secretly
aching to do the article … don’t do it.
take a few years off. do the blog and hop back
in when it makes more sense to you. the worst
feeling in the world is to half-butt both when
you really don’t have to — right?

5 On April 18th, 2008, Jamie said:

I like Allison’s thinking. I also agree with Susan. It’s tough to get excited about things we “have” to do. Unfortunately as big people, that seems like all that is on our plates!

6 On April 18th, 2008, caitlin said:

Yeah . . I hear you on this. My husband wanted to sit and have a glass of wine last night and I told him that I couldn’t because I needed to finish my suncatcher project for the June issue. Something is wrong when you turn down hanging out with your husband to do children’s crafts — without your children.

7 On April 18th, 2008, Kate said:

another unsolicited opinion: I tend to agree with Allison.
Tell me if I’m wrong on this take, but it sounds to me like you’re
sometimes deciding what to do based on what you think you’re
“supposed to do” instead of based on what you personally actually
want to do or think is important to do. I’m not even sure who makes
us feel the “supposed to” part, but hopefully you know what I mean.
It’s hard to ignore outside influences, but sometimes you should.
I think we’d all be a lot happier and more chill if each person could
just do the SAHM, or the working thing, or some of both based on her
own needs or wants, without worrying about what anyone else thinks.
(A tall, tall order, I know, but I really do strive to focus on
that in my own life so as not to fall prey to this “mommy guilt”
thing that seems to plague a lot of mamas!) Whew! Sorry that got
so wordy!

8 On April 18th, 2008, Sue said:

I can totally relate.

9 On April 19th, 2008, GHD said:

I can relate, too. Look at it this way, you haven’t been a SAHM for very long. I say, let it sink in for a little while longer. Find your groove. Enjoy your time, and dig in when the time feels a little more right

10 On April 19th, 2008, Emily said:

Just because other people told you that you can “do a little work on the side” to keep your feet wet doesn’t mean you actually HAVE to do that! I went from singing 6 hours a day while teaching high schoolers to singing once a week in my church choir. Sure, that keeps my “feet wet,” but there are definitely weeks when just having to go to practice and make that time commitment is difficult for me. When you have been playing with a toddler all morning, you just want to sit during naps, not run around mopping the floor and writing articles. If deep down you don’t really want to do the work, then don’t! If you think that later in life it will really help for you to continue with some work, then go for it. The way I look at it, there are always going to be things we don’t want to do in life, but we know are good for us. Whether you don’t really want to give up work or you don’t really want to do the work is for you to decide!

11 On April 19th, 2008, selfmademom said:

Yes, Emily, it’s the making my own decisions part that always gets me flummoxed.

12 On April 24th, 2008, Jenny said:

Emily, first of all, congrats on getting an assignment from Chicago Parent. I just wrote something for them for the first time and they were great to work with.

I got back into freelance writing when my oldest was in kindergarten and my youngest was 2. At times, it was Very hard, to say the least. I didn’t take on more than I felt I could, so that helped a ton! My advice is, if finances are not an issue, to get back into writing gradually. You may feel like you need to force yourself to do projects, but don’t. You may even be surprised to find that if you take time for yourself, you will get inspiration from places you may not have thought of.

Oh, and I’m all for sitting on the couch when children nap (not that mine do anymore!) The Hills, Top Chif reruns, Project Runway, those Home and Garden network shows—whatever’s on while they’re napping is ALL good. Don’t be so hard on yourself!