Sorry, having a pet is nothing like having a kid

19th December 2007

Sorry, having a pet is nothing like having a kid

posted in Working Moms, Mom Rants |

To all my animal-loving colleague,

Thank you for sharing the adorable photos of your furry friend with me. I had no idea they actually made sweaters for dogs. Er, make it that people actually put the sweaters on their dogs. I especially love the photo of Toto with the bow in his (her?) hair. It’s a very becoming look on a Schnauzer.

However, when our conversation turned to the difficulties of business travel, work commitments and general stress levels of owning a pet, I must admit I started to tune out. Sorry, having a pet is nothing like having a kid. Even if he (she?) is the love of your life.

For one, you actually get to leave Toto unaccompanied for hours on end without supervision. In those instances, Toto can make his (her?) own decisions about eating, drinking, sleeping and peeing. Well, hopefully not about peeing. Toto can choose to stare out the window in a daze or chase his (her?) ball around and around and around. Toto can get up and down with ease onto the furniture, the bed or wherever he feels like sleeping or resting. No baby gates! No childproofing cabinets!

In addition, Toto can clean himself and make himself presentable upon your arrival home with little assistance of a wipe or powder. An accident on the floor, while unfortunate, can usually be cleaned up in one fell swoop as opposed to the leaky-up-the-back diaper explosion I encountered yesterday.

Now this is not to say it’s not difficult being a pet owner. I’m sure it’s hard to find reliable pet care. I mean, walking Toto and picking up his messes does take a certain amount of skill. But at least you don’t have to worry about if your sitter is sticking your kid in his crib so she can take care of “personal matters.” I know pets need stimulation too, but somehow I don’t think “we’re working on learning our colors” is part of your daily vernacular. I’m just saying.

As far as planning ahead, however, for business trips, I can hardly pity you. I believe one month’s notice is ample time to line up doggie day care. While the whining of your pooch in the kennel must be tough to listen to, it’s got nothing on a clingy baby screaming “mommmmmyyyy” as you rush into a cab with your coat half buttoned.

So fair warning: the next time you try to comiserate with me about the struggles of being a “parent” to something ~~your dog~~, please excuse me if I stop paying attention.

Signed,

Your bitchy coworker

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1 On December 19th, 2007, Christy said:

I have friends who are like that to a tee. They really don’t think that there is a difference at times and it infureates me so much! I can’t wait until the day that they decide to have real children, they we will see who is laughing.

2 On December 19th, 2007, Wander said:

Very well said! For the life of me, I don’t get putting animals on the same level as humans and it infuriates me that we’ve come to the point that animals now have more protection than children do. I am not an animal hater but I do feel that animals are just animals and nothing more.

3 On December 19th, 2007, Shannon said:

When my maternity leave was ending and I was trying to find childcare, I was talking to a dog owner about how hard it was to find a babysitter. “I know,” she said, “Like the woman down the street is coming to feed the dog on Friday when we’re on a trip, and you just don’t know who you can trust.” Umm, did you just compare your neighbor feeding your dog for ONE DAY with a potential babysitter for my child three days a week?

I also don’t want to hear about how your cat woke you up in the middle of the night with her meowing.

4 On December 19th, 2007, BirdieRoark said:

Just wait until your kid is a little older and all of your co-workers will keep pressuring you to get Junior a doggie. I just finished teaching my kid how to wipe his own butt, I don’t need a another being which requires me to pick up their poop.

5 On December 19th, 2007, Emily said:

Hahahaha! I am still laughing after reading this. Although I do agree with pet owners that pets are a great pre-cursor to having kids (they prepare you for having to put something else’s needs before you own), they are not kids and are certainly not as hard to line up care for in your absence. I love my dog (sometimes…occasionally…ok not really), but I LOVE my daughter! Not even comparable.

6 On December 19th, 2007, crazedparent said:

Yikes. I have two kids (6 and 2) and an 9 month old puppy, I can see both sides.

7 On December 20th, 2007, Shelly said:

I ashamedly admit to being one of the crazy dog people in my pre-kids days. Yes, they are a small window into what having another living being dependent on you is like. No, not AT ALL the same, just a flavor of it. I would be more inclined to look at those pet-crazy people with a small and knowing smile and go back and look at pictures of my pretty little girl.

For those of them who will never have children, I’d let them gush. If they are committed to pets for the rest of their lives - as we are committed to our children - they are volunteering to do something that none of us EVER wants to do as a parent - outlive their “babies”. Time and time again for every pet they adopt. (Sorry for being such a downer, but my “puppy” who has absolutely gotten the shaft attention-wise since my daughter was born 5 years ago is dying of lymphoma. Any day now. So I get where you guys are coming from and totally agree, but I’m not inclined to judge.)

8 On December 20th, 2007, motherbumper said:

I had a single family-free manager who dispensed parenting advice (dispense is being polite, more like ordered really) all based on her pet-raising experiences. If she hadn’t been my manager I would have lunged across the cube farm and slapped her many moons ago, but thankfully that job and I parted ways.

9 On December 21st, 2007, kgirl said: