Self-Made Mom

When your nanny is a non-believer, and you have to pretty much work all day on the festive occasion (albeit from home), you overcompensate on your child’s Halloween activities ahead of time.

You embarass an innocent and pure child by making him wear uncomfortable headgear at least 3 times before actual celebratory day solely because it’s really funny to look at.

You drag such child to a big parade fit with marching band where, while not wearing ridiculous headgear, child refuses to sit in designated “party wagon.”

You conduct pre-Halloween kiddie party in your basement where goldfish crumbs are more interesting than paid entertainment.

You make amateur-hour Martha Stewart looking cookies with messy, gooey orange icing that refuses to wash out of “stain resistant” carpet.

You refuse to actively participate in festivities on the actual day of Halloween because the battle of the headpiece just isn’t worth it and you’re tired.  I swear Halloween wasn’t this hellish last year.  It’s not supposed to be stressful, is it?

I think my last post was a bit of a bust (why does no one else get that joke!?), so for right now I’m going to stick with the basics.

First, I thought I’d tell you exactly what I do for work.  Hell, one of you actually asked me, so that warrants at least some sort of response, right?  And then, because it’s been nagging me for awhile, we’re going to debate if working part-time is working half-assed.  Sound fun? Great!

Technically, I help companies “strengthen their relationships with their employees to achieve business objectives.”  Really, what I really do all day is try to convince companies why employees matter to a company’s bottom line and why ignoring them is really dumb for business.  Get it? Great. Let’s move on.

What’s really been nagging me the last few days is the notion of working part-time equals working half-assed. When my friend quit her part-time job, she mentioned that she felt that she couldn’t give work her “all” and couldn’t give her home life her all either.  She felt that working part-time wasn’t really “working” because she had to give up esteemed projects and not be in on everything possible at work.  Another friend of mine, who recently went back to work and is contemplating quitting said that she doesn’t like to do anything “half-assed” and that working part-time feels like she’s doing it half-assed.

Well, duh.

No matter how you slice it, I’m not sure you can work part-time and:

1) be involved in every major project at work

2) be privy to every important conversation

3) be looked at as a go-to person for every last minute project, crisis, etc.

And I’d like to emphasize that I don’t think these are necessarily negative things, but they are points of consideration that one should think about when working a reduced schedule.  I mean, let’s be honest (I’ll be honest), there is a reason one chooses to come back to work part-time after maternity leave. Because you’re NOT READY or willing to give 100% of your life to work.  I think as long as you set your intention this way it’s ok.

And I don’t think this necessarily means you’re a slacker.

I know that right now, with my reduced schedule I am contributing to major pieces of business, winning new clients (i.e. convincing them that investing in employee communications is not dumb), and am a valued part of the team.  I don’t work on my days off (usually), but when I’m at work I give it my all.  So I guess if you slice it this way I am half present at work.

This most likely means I am not on the fast-track to a promotion.  Or that I will lead our group’s “marquis projects.”  But that’s not my intention right now.  My intention is to create a career path that I’m comfortable with for employers who can work with me through my “decelerated” times (to borrow a word from some smart ladies).  Most likely, at some point, I will ramp back-up my schedule and it will ultimately pay off for my employer because I’ll be more loyal to them and the company I work for.  I hope it works out this way. Maybe that’s why I’m in the kind of work I’m in. To be living proof.

I know some of what I say here is counter to things I’ve said before.  But the more I work part-time, the more I see its reality, both good and bad.  No matter what you do, or how you decide to live your life as a mom people will judge you.  In this way, I’m sure to some people, my ramblings prove that I’m just half-assing it.  But I’m ok with that.  Because really, at the end of the day, I’ll do pretty much anything to keep my backside slim.

Tags: part-time work, flexible work schedules, maternity leave

 Nothing like a last minute business trip to lift me out of my moodiness.  (You really thought I’d use as my blog post title that silly little joke from childhood?) Ok, I’m being dramatic - things are getting better here - but I think I’d rather have my pores cleaned out than get on a plane in the morning to make a presentation in front of some eager communications folks wanting to learn about how they can implement social media in their organization. (Since when does the fact that you have a blog make you an “expert” in social media?)

Plus I’m on the verge of a cold.  I’m trying to stay positive.  At least I regained my elite flyer status.  That should make me a little happier (I get extra legroom! I get to board first!) But really, I’d much rather use a sick day and lie in bed while I have the nanny around anyway.  Or watch my son get giddy about putting change into Mr. Dino’s belly.

Anyone got two nipples for a dime?

Tags: business travel, elite flyer status, Pittsburgh

In case you care to know how I really feel about the words “balance” and “synergy,” herewith a link to my latest post up on Mommy Track’d.

Have any you want to add to the list?

Our family’s transition to our new nanny has not been easy.  But as of late, my son’s stopped crying every time I leave for work, and I no longer feel the need to text her 37 times a day to see if my boy has pooped, napped or is happy.

We’re making progress. Well, sort of.

Just yesterday I found out my nanny doesn’t believe in Halloween.  She doesn’t believe in it and she won’t celebrate it. She thinks Halloween is “celebrating evil” and doesn’t want to be a part of any celebrations, costumes, trick-or-treating or photo taking. (I guess I should hide that cauldron I bust out on really bad days.) 

Obviously I respect her decision and realize that not all of us are cut out for pumpkin carving, ghost storytelling or dressing up.  But how do I respect her choices when it affects my son?  She basically told me straight up yesterday that she won’t take my son to any parties, get his photograph taken or put him in his costume.  And since Halloween falls on a Wednesday this year, and I happen to work on Wednesdays, I’m worried my son is going to miss out on the first Halloween that may actually understand what is going on. (The consistent answer of “roar” when I ask him what he’s going to be for Halloween (a lion) is a suspect clue, but still.)

On one hand I understand she needs to stand her ground and not do anything that may make her uncomfortable.  On the other hand, her argument makes no sense to me considering she takes my son to a pre-pre school class at our Jewish synagogue.  I am pretty sure she doesn’t celebrate Purim.

So where do I draw the lines between ensuring that we are understanding employers and ensuring my son enjoys all aspects of his childhood? I know I can’t force her to believe in something she doesn’t, but couldn’t she just pretend one day for the sake of my child?

And doesn’t she realize she’s missing out on all of those great bite-sized candies?
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Cross-posted at Chicago Moms Blog

It’s been about a week since I wrote this.  That’s like 3 months in blog years.  And I’ve been casually silent since.  But when my dad asked me today (yes, he reads my blog), “what was that post you wrote about last week?” I realized that it’s not fair to drag you all along on the journey of my mind without properly updating you along the way.

And if the last week since I wrote my unbloggable felt like 3 months, the last eight weeks since my nanny walked out on me has felt like 3 years.  Nannygate left me feeling empty, bitter and hardened against working motherhood.  That there was no point to being this stressed out.

The stress of trying to manage through a breakdown in the system created a whirlwind of self-doubt inside me.

Otherwise, why would I have hired a nanny I had mixed feelings about, but who is sweet, kind and good with my son and nearly replace her with one that turned out to be scary-psycho-emotional-bawled-me-out-made-up-her-references? (More on that another time if I can bring myself to relive that very bad week.)

Why would I contemplate quitting my dream “mom job?” (No, not that kind of a mom job.)  Why would I care what my SAHM friends (they far outnumber my working mom friends) say about what it was like to stay at home full time?  I nearly bombed a project at work by paying more attention to making playdates than PowerPoint presentations.

Why would I have had moments like this and like this and like this where I thought I was really ready for a project life change.  I could start a this! I could do a that! It’s funny - even though I counsel clients on how to deal with change, I’m not so good about dealing with it myself.

But last week when I wrote this, I was faced with the potential of giving up all that I worked so hard for at work because some people didn’t have faith in my schedule.  That my arrangement wouldn’t work.  I had the perfect out - imperfect nanny, job that isn’t quite working, adorable child at home.

And that snapped me back to reality.

Did I really want that alternative right now?  That major change?

No, not quite yet.  So I decided to stand my ground and keep things at the status quo.  Where they will remain for the time being.  I’m slowing down my quest for the “perfect” nanny or my “dream” job.

I can talk a big game and threaten everyone that gets in my way, but at the end of the day, what I really want is what I already have.  Truth is, I didn’t know how good I had it until it was almost gone. 

I haven’t had a bad hotel room story in awhile, so luckily I hopped a plane to Atlanta today and happened to check into one tonight.  Who knew? Boutique hotels in the South! So glad I found one.

Fortunately, the room has everything I need.

Water bottles with sexy come-ons.  I’d pay at least $10.00 to meet the marketing dude who came up with that line.

You don’t need to read the tag to understand my response: No, I don’t do hairy fuzzy creatures that look like my son’s Halloween costume.

Who needs a black-out eye mask when you can wear 3-D glasses to bed?

And last,

A shower right next to my bed.  Need I say more? (Edited- I thought of this line on the plane: “This takes wetting the bed to a whole new level.” Me so funny.)

Apparently 11 percent of personal care workers who change diapers as part of their job duty reported having depression lasting 2 weeks or longer, according to this article.

And yes, I’m still here, contrary to the fact that I still can’t piece together a witty one-liner.  And this story SO needs a witty one-liner.

So lemme hear your snarky response.  I need a laugh this morning.

Take one part an ever-demanding workforce and two parts smart women and you get the next book I’ll be reading after I finish this one: Mass Career Customization - Aligning the Workplace with Today’s Nontraditional Workforce.  I actually learned about this book a couple of days ago from a colleague of mine, but a post on the Time Work In Progress blog jogged my interest.

The book, as described on the website is, “a wake up call to corporate America and a guidebook for business leaders.”  Its premise is based on nixing the general assumption that more flex time is what we need.  Instead of flex time, the authors Cathy Benko and Anne C. Weisberg, argue we should be fighting to customize our career into four dimensions: Pace, Workload, Not Restricted, Role and gauge where you are in these four categories (i.e. Accelerated or Declerated.)  The result would look something like a “sine wave of sorts, with climbing and falling engagement over time.”

At first glance, I buy this argument (without the consulting mumbo-jumbo.) I’d like to say that my part-time schedule is keeping me in line to get a promotion at my next review, but in reality, it probably isn’t.  And that’s probably okay right now, because I am on some sort of decelerated path.  I could accelerate if I wanted to, maybe in the “mid-career” bucket a long, long time from now. 

The premise of mass career customization is good in theory, and as the Time WIP blogger Lisa Takecuchi Cullen says it’s ”all well and good for a huge, rich and diverse employer like Deloitte.”  And she points out the issue of rating yourself to the point of getting caught up in a “hypercompetitive atmosphere” with your peers.

I’m just hoping this isn’t just another interesting theory that gets scuttled in silly Mommy War debates.  Because if we can start consuming our work-life like we consume our TV programs, food and clothing, we may start to make real waves outside of a nice four-dimensional chart.

Tags: mass career customization, Deloitte, Cathy Benko, Anne Weisberg

As I sit here feeling bad for myself for various things, like missing my son’s pre-pre-pre school class because I’m working, I remind myself that things could be worse. A lot worse.

I could live in a society where play dates are akin to being invited to the royal court and being on the outs results in murder.

At least I have one less thing to complain about today.

Tags: Japan, murder mothers club, play groups, mom friends