What? You want my opinion? You sure?
posted in Working Moms, Mom Friends |Recently, I was able to sneak away for a few to help celebrate a friend’s birthday. Of the 18 or so guests there (how she has time to keep so many friends, I have no idea) I was one of two that has a job outside the home in an office (was that PC enough?).
Perhaps it was my own insecurity, but I felt that I stuck out worse than Nicole Richie’s bump. I couldn’t really participate in conversations of “leotard buying” (that has more to do with the fact that I have a boy); “plans for the fall” (already committed to the one activity I have time for); or the “must-have Tory Burch shoes” (extra income does NOT mean I have time to use it.) It didn’t help that I found out through these conversations that I had missed the pre-sale at Bloomie’s and the lunch date at the hot spot in my neighborhood. So be it. I just got assigned a new account at work! Now who doesn’t want to gossip about that!?
But with all the nanny nonsense I’ve had on the brain, it was hard for me to focus. Until a friend of a friend realized that I do have a job outside the home in an office. And she wanted to know what it was like. Because SHE might have the opportunity to have a job outside the home in an office.
And could I give her some advice?
Who me? You mean the one who made one nanny candidate come back THREE times to make sure she wasn’t a serial killer? The one who has been on the phone all day and night and sat her son in front of Sesame Street for too long today while returning phone calls? You mean the one who didn’t cry on her first day of work? You sure?
You all know I love to shout my working motherhood status from the rooftops and promote a healthy alance-bay (I really can’t stand that word, but I love pig Latin) to anyone I meet. So of course I’m happy to engage in a conversation. But giving advice? Are you crazy?
In fact, just the other day, a nice working mom posted a comment in one of my posts about liking her schedule but not feeling “in the loop” but that’s what she should expect because she works part time. And in her closing, she even asked what my thoughts were about this. Really?
It’s funny that once you start writing things, like blogs, people think you become sort of an “expert” in an area. Thing is, one can never be an expert on working motherhood. Why? Because it’s personal.
The personal nature of should I, or shouldn’t I work can’t be answered in a succinct statement. It can’t be boxed up or neatly packaged. Unfortunately, I don’t know how you’re going to feel leaving your kid with a child care provider, be it a nanny, doula, grandma, potential serial killer. I can’t feel your feelings. I don’t know why you want to work. We all have different motivation and reasons. I know I’m a better mom if I keep busy at a job. But that’s me.
Making the choice, the decision, to re-enter the workforce, to give up control of your child just a little bit, to take on extra responsibilities is an incredibly daunting and tiring process. It’s gut-wrenching, happy, exciting, sad and frightening all at the same time. How can I possibly articulate and opine about what it might be like for someone else? If I could be a working mom cyborg for you, I would. I really would. Especially if you are really buff and sexy.
I’ll be a sounding board. I’ll be a good listener. I’ll speak from my experience. I’ll be a good friend.
But I’ll never give you advice on what to do. I just can’t on this topic. Just like you’d never tell me if I look fat. It’s too personal.
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