Self-Made Mom

The word is officially out that my nanny quit and only gave me two days notice to find a replacement.  Everyone’s been so nice and thoughtful offering to help out anyway they can.

So why is it then, that after my friends offer to help, they ask me this:

Are you going to quit?

Yes, I’m not in the greatest place mentally or emotionally right now.  And yes, the thought of finding yet another nanny and resuming the dreaded search process makes me want to curl up in the fetal position and scream.

But does it mean that I should give up?  That finding someone else to care for my son is so challenging that I should just call it quits and stay at home? I hate quitting.  I like challenges.  And while I’d never continue the battles of finding quality child care just for the sake of “winning,” I’m not sure walking away right now is the answer either.

Truth be told, this is the toughest moment I’ve had to endure as a working parent. I’ve been hung out to dry and I’m angry and bitter.  It makes my stomach churn to have to transition my son yet again to another caretaker.  But to walk away from all I’ve built up here at work?

That really makes me nauseous.  Especially now that I have my fabulous view permanently in place.

My perfect weekend of blog rehab ended with a quick phone call from my nanny tonight:

“I don’t think I’m going to be reliable anymore.”

Effective Thursday.

I couldn’t make this up if I tried. 

Two nannies.  One year. 

I’m a nanny flunkie. 

And to think, I was in the middle of composing a really great post when this all happened.  A sign, perhaps?

Tags: nanny, child care, break up with nanny

When you have child care 24/7 there is no end to the time you can spend on the computer working blogging, (honey, I want to hire an au pair!)  as I have done this week.  With my husband in another state, and my parents keeping an eye on the little one I can blog when I please.  From the couch. The bed (current position).  The outdoor porch.  Wireless internet is a dangerous wonderful thing!  Problem is, with all the blogging I’ve done this week, I’ve become bloverwhelmed.  Overwhelmed by the blogosphere.  There’s so much going on tech-wise and conversation-wise out there that my blog brain is spinning.  I am living, eating, breathing, thinking blogs.  And it’s building up a vortex of blog blabber in me, so what else am I to do?  Vent.  Here I go.

1. I now have too many things I want to read, but less time than ever to do it.  It’s the ultimate blogging paradox.  The more you blog, the more blogs you pick up to read, but the less time you have to read them.  And then, if you’re like me this week, just trying to keep up, you forget what you have read (and commented on) and re-comment contradicting yourself.  That’s when you know you’ve totally maxed out.  Because it’s 10 p.m. and you haven’t showered all day and have read nothing but things that are funny and personal.  Forget reading old-school media.  Forget working.  Oh yeah, and forget taking care of my child.  I’m stumped on how people keep up with this new media world.  And to think, blogging is pretty much dead already. (Or is it? I hope not). (BONUS- If you think you might be overdosing, or at least addicted to blogging like me, check out LA Daddy’s link to this neat survey tool. I’m at 84% YIKES!)
2. I am finding that my real-life friends now may know less about me than my internet/blog friends.  I don’t have too many that overlap, so this is kind of strange situation for me.  I can’t seem to get my real-life friends to read my blog regularly, and I’m not sure I’ll ever get the chance to meet some of my internet friends who I keep up with.  But I like them both.  A lot. Do I have split blersonality disorder?
3. The blogosphere seems to be filled with hot button controversies lately.  People are getting fired up.  Which is cool, but I’m not interested in being all that controversial.  Or fired up.  I don’t like confrontation or getting into fights.  I shouldn’t care, and just go about doing what I want, but there is a nagging part of me that feels a little bird-brained for not raising awareness of some issues I do I care about on this forum.  But I’m tired.  And lazy.  Is that so bad? I really did this blogging thing to have fun.  Not to have more mommy guilt.
4. But, now that we’re on the topic of controversies I do have to mention just one thing that is one thing that is pushing my bloggy buttons - affiliate programs.  Some of my favorite bloggers have been rightly down on my fellow PR peeps who do not understand how to reach us bloggers, (which, by the way, makes me want to run up and down the hallways of my office screaming, ”please, please read our internal memos.”)  But all this conversation also makes me question those affiliate program monsters managers, too.  I’ve gotten a few e-mails lately from these non-traditional advertisers who live in the hinterlands of “I’m sort of an ad, but I’m not paying for the space, but I’m not a PR person because I don’t need you to write about me” that are making me cringe.  Trust me, I’m not above selling space on my site if it makes sense for the topic of my blog, and I won’t stick up for dumb PR people.  No way.  But I just want to put my two cents in that affiliate programs and rogue advertisers also need to read our blogs and figure out who we really are before they stalk write us for placements. People, just think before you write, and you’ll be so much better off.  And thanks for the offer, but my name is not Ali
5. Lastly, I’m totally confused by this post.  But Izzy Mom was so passionate about the topic and so many people followed and obeyed her directions, I feel like I have to do it too. But I have no clue what it means.  Am I a lemming, or what? Can someone out there on the internets help me understand this? 

Well, that’s enough venting for one night.  And since my week of 24/7 child care is coming to a close, I now have to go home to a husband that needs my attention, which really means that I won’t be blogging at all this weekend.  I think that’s probably the best way to treat this overdose.

Tags: blogging rants, affiliate programs, mom blogs, momosphere

I showed you what was in mine, so I think it’s only fair I get to see what you all are collecting in your offices.  Especially because I’m working in a remote office this week and am feeling a little lonely without that trusty Handspring CD. Plus, I got a huge kick about this post and the response about a similar repository of “stuff,” and I thought it would be fun to see what is in your drawers.  Office drawers, that is.

So post on your blogs what you’ve got in your workspace and link to me so I can see it.  Then I’ll aggregate it all.  And then we can all laugh at the junk we’re keeping away from our kids’ grubby hands.  C’mon it’ll be fun.
—————————————————————————————–
What you’re hiding from your coworkers:

Nataly’s cafe hideaway

Robyn’s file organizer

WkSocMom’s tsotchke

Did I mention that I’m working “remotely” this entire week? Like, really remotely.  Like, so remote that when I ran out of facial moisturizer yesterday and went to the local grocery store to buy some more they didn’t have my favorite Aveeno one.  My nanny had to go out of town (again!) and since I really have no back up child care, I thought I’d piggyback on my parents vacation.  I’m paying them in love and gratitude.  And a cute kid.  Don’t we all work on our vacations, anyway? 

To accomodate my shift in plans, my parents have basically turned their house into a mini-Kinkos.  I’ve got wireless internet, a brand new speakerphone for my conference calls, a better view than in Chicago, and a fancy color printer. I mean seriously, this is Jewish guilt at it’s worst. (My mother’s already asked me if I can do this again next summer.)

It’s weeks like this when working from home actually works that I wonder if I really do need a big fancy office. Then I read this which totally makes me fume over my 40-minute commute.  But, I’ve honestly never been all that keen about working from home.  It’s a terrific luxury that I have, but it’s not my first choice.  I like getting dressed (ask me if I’ve worn anything but sweats for the past 2 days), I hate hearing my son laugh and not being able to play with him, and I can only watch “The Hills” on mute for so long.  I mean, what are the benefits of working from home when you can’t even enjoy a good Heidi/ LC cat fight?

But, I’d be lying if I didn’t say working remotely has its perks.  I get to sit by the lake during lunch, take a walk on the beach in the morning and dip my toes in the water at sunset.  Then again, it’s not like you guys can see what I’m looking at because my cell phone won’t send picture text messages from up here.

[insert beautiful beach photo]

[caption: How’s your view of the cubicle looking?]

One can only be so plugged in, I guess.

Tags: working from home, working remotely, WAHM

Think there are things money can’t buy?  Guess again.  Now, if you have the dough, you can hire “parenting subcontractors,” people you can rent out to do annoying tasks for your children that you don’t want to.  Like removing head lice.  According to an article in Time, there’s a woman out there who really does this.  I’m serious.  She runs a company called “Texas Lice Squad” and parents hire her to come over to pick out their kids head bugs.  In addition, parents are also outsourcing other tasks like taking kids to soccer practice or a doctor’s appointment.  

Critics argue that parents who do these things are “lazy.”  Parents who use these services see it as freeing up more “quality time” to spend with their kids.  

As a working mom with little time to spare, I see it as my dream.  There are certain aspects of parenting (like head lice removal) that give me the creeps and that I’d rather not spend my free time doing.  I’m sorry, but if someone wants to help me out a little with potty training, I’m all ears. I’d love to have an expert around that I could hire on a moment’s notice to help with certain unglamorous tasks. 

Of course, I’m really not at the point where I’d actually pick up the phone and call the Head Lice Lady quite yet, so I’m talking a big game.  But in preparation for the future, I did make a short list of other things I would consider outsourcing, if I could afford it and if someone wanted to do it:

• Nail clipping - there’s no worse feeling than pricking your kid’s finger because you went to deep with those clippers
• Teeth brushing - isn’t there a toothbrush out there made for sore, teething gums?
• Dinner clean up - I’ve wrenched my back one too many times picking up green beans
• Fever taking - you get my drift

What would you outsource? Don’t lie and tell me you’ve never daydreamed about this…

Tags: outsourcing, Time+magazine, subcontracting

Did I mention that I’m spending the weekend with my “original” family at my parent’s summer house? I mean, just my parents and brother.  No girlfriend.  No husband.  Yes, there is baby thrown in the mix, but he can’t talk yet, so he doesn’t really count.

And, apparently the outcome of the weekend so far is that I’m not fun anymore.  Not that funny and really not that fun to be around.  As my brother stated tonight:

All the fun you once had has been drained out of you and transferred to your son.  You’re a vicious hell-cat.

Ouch. I scare my family. I lecture my family members like the village wiseman. I talk to my brother like he’s 5.  I can go on.

On one hand, my family can bite me.  My brother is taking the summer “off” before he starts a job in October.  My mom, g-d bless her, is retired.  I’m not saying I have it tough, BUT, I am working, taking care of a baby and dealing with a husband that works 70+ hours a week. (There’s a reason he’s not here this weekend.)  On the other hand, they might have a point.  But I’m different now – of course I am not as fun as I used to be.  I used to not have responsiblities like raising a child.  I used to not be married.  I used to not be a homeowner.  But now I am all of these, and it’s imprinted a new personality on me like those fake tatoos I used to wear as a child.

I think we all have it in our head that when we get together with our families as adults it’s going to be like the “good old days.”  As in, I’m going to be age 9 again.  Going down the Slip ‘N Slide with my brother in the backyard.  Watching “You Can’t Do That on Television.”  Eating Domino’s pizza and going to bed.

Unfortunately I live in reality.  I can’t just turn on the “on/off” switch to the past when I was young, immature and ran into my parents’ bedroom every time there was a thunderstorm.  When my family’s all together now we don’t get along all the time.  We’re all different people with different priorities and different needs. 

My mom’s never going to clean the pots as well as I think they should be cleaned.  My brother isn’t going to pick up his clothes like I do.  My father will continue to bug me with simple computer problems.  And I’m probably not going to be as fun or funny as I used to be until I figure out how to shoulder the weight of raising a kid, working in an office and paying attention to my husband without totally cracking.

Maybe I’ll never figure it all out, but I have realized that it’s not easy being a “mom” when your family still thinks of you as “their daughter” or “my sister.”  But the truth is, being a “mom” is the only role I’m trying to perfect right now.  And I think it’s working pretty well for the only person that it matters to - my son.  And if that means I’m not funny or fun, then so be it.  

Whew, that felt good.  Alright, I’m signing off now to go short-sheet my brother’s bed. He he.

I hate being naked.  I’m a very modest person, so I rarely let my bare-self show. (Unless I’m in the dressing room at Loehmann’s and I’m scoring a great deal.)  Same way with my nails.  I hate having bare nails.

I take that back. I LOATHE having bare nails.  I’m a staunch advocate of the polished nail.  Mademoiselle is my middle name, dontcha know?

So for the last few many years, I’ve indulged myself with weekly manicures.  I remember looking forward to Friday, my self-proclaimed manicure day, where I could sit at the nail salon, gossip with the nail tech and read trashy magazines.  The US Weekly mag I read always had the most oil stains on it, but I didn’t care.  I was content perusing the “Just Like Us” section in a vibrating spa chair, even if Jennifer Garner was smudged out.

And my nails used to get compliments.  Who knew I have “long nail beds”?  Or nice white tips?  I took pleasure in knowing that a little bit of dough got me a long way with that cashier at Starbucks or a colleague in a meeting where I was taking notes.  I could be Wicked without anyone knowing just how innocent I really was.  That’s the beauty of a nice manicure.  It provides a good cover. My nails would shine even when I didn’t.  And people notice.

Then I had a child.  I know it sounds so cliche, but I think those folks are right. Having a baby changes everything.  I swore up and down that when I had my son I would let nothing get in the way of my nail upkeep. But something’s happened over the past few months.  I’m going naked.  It’s impossible to stay properly clothed as the mother of a 16-month-old.

At one point, I pretended that I could keep up my polished exterior.  When my son was a bit younger, I tried haplessly to wear trendy dark colors.  This resulted in numerous expletives flowing from my mouth every time I saw a chip.  There’s one thing I hate more than bare nails.  Feeling like you’ve thrown $15 down the drain because you’ve smudged your nail giving your son a bath.

I’ve found that going around bare does have its benefits. You can wash the dishes without gloves on, garden freely, and pull apart sippy cup parts like a bat out of hell.  You can open up toys without pretending to your child that those twisty tie thingy-s are really a part of the toy.  (I mean, those twisty tie thingy-s are KILLER on a fresh manicure.) You can type on your keyboard recklessly. You can open up cans and bottles. You can pry open the seal of that fresh tube of Aquaphor.  It’s quite liberating, really.

Then again, there are disadvantages to a non-manicured nail.  There’s the hanging cuticle problem, which typically requires the unsanitary, but necessary extracting of, which draws blood in the office, which results in you running screaming to your group assistant to find you some freaking Band-Aids (!!) so you don’t have to try to type on your keyboard with paper towel over your finger.

Needing to get nailed.

Also, unmanicured nails give off this terrible impression that you actually care about housework. I think there’s a direct correlation between how dirty your house is with how bad your nails look. Meaning, if you care about keeping your nails polished, you’ll let the dust build up a little.  I hate dusting too.

The good news is that for the next week, I’ll be away from reality, “working from home” (more on that later) with no business people to see and no in-person meetings to be had.  I can let myself go for a little.  But believe you me, as soon as I get back I’ll be calling up the nail salon.  I can only walk around naked for so long.

I thought packing up your office was supposed to be a cathartic experience.  I went into the task of cleaning up mine to move to another one (with a better view) wondering what kinds of trinkets and treasures I’d uncover.  For other moves I’ve done, like to a new apartment or different city, packing has always been about discovering things forgotten.  An old diary.  A funny photo.  Ratty old t-shirts.

But as I found out earlier this week, unfortunately, all I really had to show for my last three years of work was a lot of junk.  And a scary obsession with hygiene. 

I found books that probably shouldn’t have been buried under paper and folders.

I hope I’m not getting rated on my office organization abilities.

I discovered I have a fetish for mugs. 

Do you want some dust in your tea?

I realized I had missed opportunities.

A research folder about blogs from 2003.  I could have been a bazillionaire by now.

I discovered I’m really not all that tech savvy.

Who uses a handspring anymore?

And came to the conclusion that I’d rather be clean and well-medicated than smart. Seriously, who has a whole drawer dedicated to toiletries?

Just in case CVS closes at 4 p.m.

Please tell me you all have something more exciting sitting around in your office. 
Tags: office space, working mom, offices

Busy at work makes for a very bad blogger… that’s me this week.  But there’s so much awesome stuff swirling around the blogosphere right now, that I don’t want you to miss out.  Here’s some reading material until I can get my proverbial s*** together and be bloga-licious once again.

• And we think we have it rough: Apparently the glass ceiling in the U.S. ain’t got nuthin’ on the career path of women in Japan.  If you don’t believe me, read this article.  You’ll thank your boss tomorrow for letting you leave at 5 p.m. I swear.
• You can’t ban us from talking about it: Massachusetts did it last year. Now it’s New York City. These two states have decided to ban free formula samples and promotional materials from gift bags given to new mothers at hospitals post-partum.  See the resulting blogosphere explosion on the topic which resulted in some awesome bloggers landing on the television to discuss!
• Speaking of breast milk: Did you know that the TSA lifted its restriction on carry-on breast milk? Should make business travel a lot easier and checked luggage a lot drier.
• Don’t get mad, get, well, I don’t know: A new study shows that women who get angry at work are potentially seen as “out of control” as compared to men, who are “admired for it.”  Who me? No, I never lose my cool when I have to leave work early for an “emergency” at home.  I’m just a peach 24/7. And if you don’t think so, you can just shove it.

If only blogging was my job…

Tags: breast milk, working moms, career path, Japan