Should I stay or should I go?

20th August 2007

Should I stay or should I go?

posted in Child Care, Working Moms, Mom Friends |

The word is officially out that my nanny quit and only gave me two days notice to find a replacement. Everyone’s been so nice and thoughtful offering to help out anyway they can.

So why is it then, that after my friends offer to help, they ask me this:

Are you going to quit?

Yes, I’m not in the greatest place mentally or emotionally right now. And yes, the thought of finding yet another nanny and resuming the dreaded search process makes me want to curl up in the fetal position and scream.

But does it mean that I should give up? That finding someone else to care for my son is so challenging that I should just call it quits and stay at home? I hate quitting. I like challenges. And while I’d never continue the battles of finding quality child care just for the sake of “winning,” I’m not sure walking away right now is the answer either.

Truth be told, this is the toughest moment I’ve had to endure as a working parent. I’ve been hung out to dry and I’m angry and bitter. It makes my stomach churn to have to transition my son yet again to another caretaker. But to walk away from all I’ve built up here at work?

That really makes me nauseous. Especially now that I have my fabulous view permanently in place.

Follow the RSS Feed, leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

1 On August 20th, 2007, Shannon said:

I’m asking the same question right now, albeit for slightly different reasons. Not five minutes before I read your blog, I was having a conversation with a friend, and I came to the same conclusion that you have about it not being worth it to give up everything I have accomplished.

Bottom line, there just aren’t any easy answers for working moms. Take time off to stay home, and you risk career suicide. Work full-time, and you’re burned out and guilty. Part-time seems like a good compromise, and it probably is on some level, but it still brings many, many dilemmas.

Just to make both of us a little more confused and depressed …

2 On August 20th, 2007, cordelia525 said:

sara! that sucks. (((HUGS)))

You’ll find some one else.

And not to minimize the situation, but isn’t this the best to be looking anyway?.

Don’t hold yourself responsible for things over which you have no control.

3 On August 20th, 2007, BirdieRoark said:

I hope that since it is back to school 0- and a common time for nanny turnover - that you find a replacement nanny fast.

Nannies here are very unreliable and seem to always be prepared to jump ship.

In college my roommate was a part-time nanny. The mom had quite a few part-timers work for her. Maybe tyring something like that would work for you?

And quitting work over a nanny is stupid. There are lots of important reasone to stay or quite - but the anny shouldn’t factor into that at all.

4 On August 20th, 2007, Shelly said:

We never had a nanny - we used to bring our daughter to a woman who ran a day care out of her home. We were “fired” because I was too high maintenance because I expected to get a call when they wanted to give my child tylenol for a fever. Um, whatever. Fine, then I’m high maintenance.

Nevertheless, I was working FT at that point and spent the next few weeks - and a decent amount of vacation time - searching for another day care. It worked out and she stayed there for 2 1/2 years. It is possible to fix this without staying home being your first solution.

Don’t give up. It is just one of those many OMG’s that we face and think that this is the absolute worst thing ever. Yes, this sucks but the nice thing is that you will say this was barely a blip on the radar when you look back years from now.

Wishing you all the luck!

5 On August 20th, 2007, High Heeled Mama said:

Keep your head up. It’s a horrible position to be in, but quitting your job because your nanny flaked on you doesn’t seem like the answer either.

6 On August 20th, 2007, Shelli said:

Wow, that sucks. I was just thinking of going the nanny route (vs. daycare) but this is exactly what would drive me over the edge.

It is truly the hardest spot to be in as a working mom. Hugs to you Sara.

7 On August 20th, 2007, crazedparent/jobmom said:

I think if you were ready to walk away, you’d know it. My sense is that you want to make it work…keep searching. And do look into daycare — the consistency is awesome. I’ve used both, daycare and a nanny, and I still prefer daycare over having someone in my home…

8 On August 20th, 2007, Marketing Mommy said:

Wow, this sucks. Best of luck finding a new–and even better–nanny this time around.

Would you consider daycare–either at a center or in someone’s home? Your son might enjoy having playmates now that he’s a toddler.

9 On August 20th, 2007, Emily said:

Sara, best of luck with the nanny search. I’m a firm believer in “everything happens for a reason.” I am sure you will find a super new nanny that will get along with your son very well. And remember…he is young and resilient. He just wants someone to love him, care for him, and most of all–entertain him! There are many loving nannies available. Best of luck snagging one.

10 On August 20th, 2007, PunditMom said:

Oh, that really stinks. That happened to us several years ago. By phone. While we were
on vacation. How do they do that? Keeping my fingers crossed that Mary Poppins
drops by!

11 On August 20th, 2007, GHD said:

That’s horrible news, Sara. Finding “reliable” childcare is always so difficult, but don’t quit your job.

Birdie is right about the school year bringing a fresh nanny crop. In college, my sister worked as a part of a fleet of part-time nannies for one family. Anytime one quit, the others could pitching in some extra hours until the family could find a replacement.

I’m just so sorry to hear that you have to go through it… AGAIN!!!

12 On August 20th, 2007, Felicia said:

Hi Sara,

I just wanted to give you this referance. The companies name is First Class Care, they are based out of Evanstoon, Il. The owner’s name are Steve and Erin Krex. Steve Krex handles all of our computer and IT stuff. They have some really great nannies. This might be something that will help you with your search. Good Luck!
Felicia

CONTACT INFORMATION:
Erin Krex
820 Davis Street Suite 221
Evanston, IL 60201
(847) 733-2700
erin @ firstclasscare.com
http://www.firstclasscare.com

13 On August 20th, 2007, Kate said:

Been there, am still there. The challenge is ongoing, but it can be met.

Don’t quit. Don’t let the forces of jealousy, sexism and re-directed ambition get you down!

The fact is, being a nanny is just as lonely and boring as being a SAHM without the maternal love. Relying on one person for childcare makes one vulnerable. Go with a reputable day care with well-trained staff who have each other to talk to and to spell each other off with bits of adult conversation through the day.

Yes, the first year of day care is tough. The kids get a lot of colds, but after that they have immune systems of iron and are the most socialable little creatures.

14 On August 21st, 2007, Alex Elliot said:

No one would ever think that much less say that to a dad! The sexism really gets me!

15 On August 27th, 2007, I’m like the Energizer Bunny… » Self-Made Mom said:

[…] It doesn’t help that everywhere I turn people are writing about nannies. I’m still threatening to quit. But my husband says that’s crazy. I just hope I can find someone soon before […]