Strategi-mom

22nd June 2007

posted in Working Moms, Mom Rants |

There are times, albeit not often, where I diverge from my son’s otherwise fairly planned out sleep schedule. Such things would include traveling, doctors appointments and sporting events. Unfortunately, the FAA and Major League Baseball don’t really care what time my son goes down for this second nap of the day.

So this past Sunday, when I took my husband and son to the Chicago Cubs game for Father’s Day, I veered from my son’s typically rigid sleep routine. Which totally stressed me out. Yes, I’m anal. But I my son thrives on this routine, and really, ~~I’m happier~~ we’re all happier when we stick to the plan. I like having a strategy for my life.

I am a strategi-mom. Hear me bark at you if you don’t follow my rules.

I come by it naturally. Heck, in my job, I spend the better part of my days in the office coming up with plans for clients. Fit with the requisite goals, objectives, strategies and timelines, I’ve gotten really good at plotting out a whole year’s work onto a nice neat little grid. And making them happen relatively on time. (Yes, clients, like children, often decide on a whim that they may not want to do what you advise, but for the most part, after a reasonable discussion, the two sides can come to an amicable agreement.)

So you can see how a 1:20 p.m. start to a baseball game on a beautiful Sunday afternoon could stress me out, right? This was the exact time my son was supposed to go down for his second nap. In order to counteract the potential side effects of a ruined sleep routine, I plotted out my course of action. My strategy? I would put him down later in the morning so that he would be able to stay up a little later in the day.

The result? Three innings in, my husband and I were dealing with a pretty cranky baby. My plan didn’t work and we had to leave early. (Bribing the poor tired guy with a rubber ball didn’t do the trick. And no, my son doesn’t like to fall asleep on me, my husband or in his stroller. What can I say? He likes his bed.) We then spent the better part of the walk home debating all the possibilities for how we would get him to take his long overdue nap.

“Maybe he’ll just fall asleep in his stroller this time,” I said.

“Yes, just as we’re about to turn onto our street,” my husband replied, noting a common occurence of junior from his newborn days.

“You’re right, damn.”

“You can’t game the system, Sara.”

Stop.

What? Why not? Why, when babies, like clients, throw you for a loop can you not reason with them and have them do what you want? (Cue the Dr. Evil laugh track, right?)

Unfortunately, I think my husband is onto something. (I hate admitting he’s right.) And I see his theory playing out with my friends who are just having babies now for the first time; the strategi-mom wheels spinning ’round and ’round their heads. They say things like, “I’m going to get my nails done today at 11 o’clock.” Or, “if I get one of those motorized swings then I can just put my baby down in it when she’s crying and she’ll stop.” I think to myself, really? You think you can plan that?

But I too, recall the days where I convinced myself my 3-month-old son and I were just going to have a nice relaxing day at Nordstrom, and he wouldn’t make a peep and I’d feed him all his bottles on the go. And, yeah right. That was before he had a major breakdown in the car on the way downtown that was so bad I had to pull over and do an emergency “feed” before his wails became louder than the “El” bearing down Lincoln Avenue.

I mean, seriously, what was I thinking? How did I ever think I could plan out motherhood?

Truth is, even though the sleep training program I implemented for my son was successful, this whole mommy thing isn’t really all that predictable at all. So I’m going to try better to “go with the flow” (as my laidback mom says) and “live a little.” (I love a good cliche.) I’m going to take a trip this weekend to New York, even if it means 2 hours on a crowded flight with a squirmy baby. I’m going to let him sleep in a room without blinds and pray that the sun doesn’t wake him up.

But only for a couple of days. Because I know that one day, my son will try to game the system on me for a change and I need all the practice I can get before that day arrives.

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1 On June 22nd, 2007, Debbie said:

Very interesting. I’m really the opposite…I hate schedules for my kids. Now for me, I do like routines, but not for the kids…go figure. I think it started when hubby and I decided that having kids would not change our lives so much that we didn’t do things we normally did anymore. So naps - we made due…even with my son, who sounds like yours. He will only sleep in his bed (or car or stroller if really tired). But on Father’s Day last year we took hubby and my dad to a Cleveland Indians game and I spent most of the game walking around with him in the stroller around the ballpark. But I didn’t mind, because hubby and my dad were having a great time.

But you’re right when you say that no matter what, if you’re scheduled-based or extremely laid back, things are going to pop out of nowhere and surprise you. You just can’t plan motherhood!

2 On June 22nd, 2007, Shannon said:

I could really relate to this. I have a three-month-old son,
and I think what makes babies so challenging is that they are just
so unpredictable. When my son was two weeks old, we put him in
a vibrating chair, and he fell asleep instantly. I figured all
our problems were solved. Guess what? That dang chair has never
gotten him to sleep again. Then for awhile the pacifier was our
best friend, and one day he just stopped wanting it.

And then just when you completely write off a particular technique
as useless, the next day it works again. Then it never works again after
that.

My kid usually won’t sleep anywhere but the crib either. I’m so
jealous of people at restaurants and stores who have babies that just
lie there sleeping peacefully. (And, by the way, this seems like every
kid but mine.)

3 On June 22nd, 2007, Nuclear Mom said:

Wow, I could have written that. My son is now nearly three and making a hard attempt to give up his naps. This kills me. And the conversation with the husband about “maybe” he will fall asleep here or there this time? So been there.

Neat blog!

4 On June 22nd, 2007, Working Mom said:

You are singing my song! In fact, I blogged about this very topic a few weeks ago. I was so upset that Boy would not fall asleep one night, he just wanted to play. I wanted him to go to sleep. Needless to say, I lost this one. And I realized very clearly, there is no way on Earth you can be rigid with a small child. I hate being loosey goosey, makes me bananas, but with Boy, he forces you to “roll with it”, which, honestly is not my area. Love you blog and what a great post.

5 On June 23rd, 2007, Emily said:

Super post! It summed up everything moms feel on a daily basis about schedules and the fears we have of taking our little ones in public around nap time. My husband and I will be taking our 10-month old (she will be in July) to North Carolina via plane for one week at the end of July. Not only I am worried about entertaining her on the go for a week, but we will also be attending a wedding, late wedding reception (hope she can fall asleep to “Baby Got Back”) and long days on the beach. I have nightmares about how all of this will go, but I suppose I need to follow the cliche and “go with the flow.” Damn flow.

6 On June 23rd, 2007, sugarmama said:

Like you, I’m a strategi-mom. With my firstborn, I was walking around with people around me fearing the wrath of my whip when they don’t follow the schedule I wanted the family to conform to…haha.

With my second child — I can’t even find my whip because I didn’t even have time to draw out a schedule when all I did was run after a toddler while pacifying a newborn with my breast.

But, I can tell you — now that my firstborn is 7 years old…he is so much better on taking sleeps and naps on time compared to now 4 year old.

Now with my 3rd child — I’ve brought the dusty whip out from the closet and everyone has been warned. lol

7 On July 12th, 2007, Leslie said:

I so hear this. I just spent a week of long-awaited vacation that was an utter flop with my 15-month old. You wait and wait for vacation time and the anticipation of a golden holiday, baby happily in tow, was clearly too utopian to be real. She refused to sleep or nap anywhere except in her own bed, i.e. she would not sleep during the vacation, and when she wasn’t fighting the “foreign” crib (her cousin’s), she was clinging to me like a particularly unappealing creeper vine. New plans for summer vacation - vacation time will consist of short excursions only - and maybe Mommy will nap, too.