26th January 2007

Dr. Dale makes me feel better about my choices in life

posted in Work-Life Balance, Child Care, Career Advancement, Working Moms |

Chalk up another reason for me to feel bad about the fact that I chose to be a working mom. First, I learned that by having kids early in life, I risked decreasing my earning potential.  Now, my stress level from work could be negatively affecting my child, according to a recent article.  I’m starting to think there is a media conspiracy out there against working mothers, and all parents for that matter.

The article, provided by some company called LiveScience.com, explores how kids can pick up on parents’ cues if they’ve had a bad day.  It’s an interesting topic recently discussed at the American Psychoanalytic Association meeting in New York and also at The Juggle and Blogging Baby.

I know I might be a little late to this discussion, but after reading the article tonight (late), which cites a few psychoanalysts, I decided to go to straight to a legitimate source - Dr. Dale Boesky, M.D. - psychoanalyst (and also my mother-in-law’s husband).  Dr. Dale, as we call him, is a bit of a celebrity in his field and he and my MIL are always jetting off to conferences where he is speaking.  Dr. Dale has a great view of life, current events and why the media portrays things the way they do.  So I knew he’d have a rational perspective on why I decided to ruin my child’s life by working.  While visiting my family in Detroit this weekend, I was able to steal Dr. Dale away for a quick chat.

An excerpt from our conversation:

Me: “Dr. Dale, am I ruining junior’s life by working? This article makes feel bad about my choice.”
Dr. Dale: “Hmm… we do underestimate how perceptive our children are and how they read our negative cues.  However, working also has a positive effect. When a mother is enhanced by the stimulation of working, it is good for the child. Just as kids read off of negative stress cues, they also feed off of the positive effects a mother or parent gets from working.”

Me: “Oh really? Then why is it every time I read a parenting article about working parents, I always end up with a pit in my stomach? Why aren’t there any stories out there about people like me who actually enjoy being a working mom?”
Dr. Dale: “It’s true, all we hear about from the media is the negatives.  I just don’t trust global generalizations on the topic.”

Me: “I’m so glad we talked. I feel better now. Can I blog about this?”
Dr. Dale: “Of course.  Just make sure to tell everybody that my mother said I was a genius.”

P.S. If you have a comment or question for Dr. Dale, just let me know…Tags: , ,

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There is currently one response to “Dr. Dale makes me feel better about my choices in life”

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  1. 1 On September 23rd, 2007, Surendra Kelwala MD said:

    Dr. Dale Boesky is a genius. Not just for his mother but for many others like myself, who as a psychiatrist can see the astonishing depth of his insights. He is perhaps one of the last psychoanalysts who can still see, conceptualize and write about psychoanalysis the way it was originally intended.

    As to why mothers feel bad about working when they have young children. I think there are different gratifications a woman gets from working and being in the hustle and bustle of the larger world and from playing with her child. If she is stay home mom she misses being part of the great world. If she works she misses playing with her child which is so pleasurable - just herself and her child. There is no way we can have everything. Of course one has to decide what kind of pleasure is more meaningful and then allot one’s time proportionally. Some women rather not have children and get pleasure from life from the work world. Others want to devote their lives entirely to their children. Fotunately, today there is so much prosperity that a woman can reasonably do both.

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