Self-Made Mom

On November 10, Elizabeth Vargas, of ABC’s 20/20, conducted a segment on working moms trying to balance their lives.  The segment was good- it covered all the “mommy war” issues: maternity leave, stress of working and trying to make ends meet. (Did you know that Iran and North Korea have better maternity leave policies than the U.S.?) She also made the Department of Labor spokeswoman look like she worked in an alternate universe. (Dept. of Labor: women should “save up” so they can afford to take time off when they have a child. Hah!)  But there was one part I thought Vargas missed the boat on: mommy support systems, i.e. the role of “dad.”

The segment did not feature one husband, boyfriend, partner of the 3 working women profiled.  In fact, I think the word husband only came up once, when Vargas showed a photo of hers (Marc Cohn, the singer, for those who care).  Now, I totally agree that women endure the bulk of the responsibility for child care, working or not working.  But from my experience, I couldn’t be half the mom OR employee I am today without the support of my husband.  Yes, we don’t get enough maternity leave, yes, we may face the glass ceiling that dads don’t.  But without my husband to come home early when I can’t, or to give me some peace on the weekend, raising our son doesn’t work.  Parenting takes two, and while dads may not have to consider the same set of choices or decisions that moms do, it doesn’t mean that the “mommy wars” are for moms alone.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about working moms who travel for business.  I had to take a trip this week and realized there are many pros and cons for us to a business trip. Some thoughts and tips:

Today and tomorrow I’m attending the Conference Board 2006 Extending Your Brand to Employees Conference.  I am getting some great insights that will help my work, and the conference is full of working moms for me to talk to.  I heard two great examples today of how companies are helping moms. Here goes.

Amy Davis of the Mayo Clinic told us today that when her son was sick and she didn’t want to leave him at home when she went to work, that the clinic has a nurse dedicated to taking care of and watching employees’ sick children.  What a great way of truly delivering on your brand promise AND making a working mom have an easier day. Love it.

Equally as interesting is what I heard from the head of HR of the law firm Goodwin Proctor.  Apparently they have on site day care at all of their offices so working moms can bring their kids to on site day care at their home office AND take them on the road if they wish.  A dream! That would bring this working mother some peace on a business trip.

This week is going to test the limits of my working mom mettle.  In a strange and thankfully unique coincidence, both my husband and I have to travel out of town for work this week.  So I had to call in the reinforcements (mom).  Luckily, my mom can come watch my son overnight while we are away.  But the guilt remains.  Someone other than my husband or I will be putting him to bed this week for 4 nights straight because of our work circumstances.  I know he will be fine, and that this is an uncommon circumstance, but the gut wrenching feeling I have of leaving him for the week is keeping me up at night.

Here’s to next week.

Apparently Gerber is not alone in writing silly gender specific copy for their baby products.  Second in my series of companies who don’t know who their target audience is is Britax, maker of world-class baby car seats.  As my husband (yes, he gets involved in baby related tasks, shocker!) was installing our new Britax Decathalon (Onyx fabric) car seat, I walked out to check in on his progress.  It was then that of course, I read the outside of the car seat package (written in what had to be 80 pt. font) where Britax explains the benefits of their car seat (Safety! Fashion! Convenience!). But it was the “Convenience” category copy that really caught my eye. Here’s what it said:

“Moms around the world love Britax seats because they’re easy to install correctly (it took 30 minutes find the LATCH cords), and they have great features like one-hand adjustment (?) belt holders (??), built in lockoffs (??!!!??), belly pads (this one made me laugh) and more.”

For starters is the obvious- “MOMS” around the world love Britax? Britax, do dads not drive baby around? But second, and probably more important, is the notion that they actually believe that a mom reads and understands what a “lockoff” is and that is the main reason we bought the seat.  Copywriters: want to know the reason I bought this particular model seat? A few of my NMFs have it and love it.  It was all about the word of mouth.  I didn’t read the copy on the package (who has time?) to know that this was a good and safe seat. I talked to the most important marketer- another mom.
Lesson for Britax- maybe it’s time to find new copywriters.
 

Moms of the world: You are only as fashionable as your worst pair of socks.  I’m serious.  This occurred to me the other day when I hung out with my very fashionable MF (she’s not N).  She showed up to my house in heels and a cute coat.  She looked great.  As custom insists, she took off her shoes when she entered my house.  It was then that I saw her fashion pitfall- a huge hole in the sock.  I was shocked. How could my fashionable MF have a hole-y sock!?  But it’s simple, really. In the office, it doesn’t matter for your outfit if you wear a sock that has a hole (or two).  But in this new mom world I live in, socks really do matter. You take your shoes off almost all the time when doing mom/baby activities.  And as I’ve now learned, a bad pair of socks can really ruin an otherwise fashionable presence.

My advice? Run to the Gap. They’re 3 for $15. Your feet will thank you. 

I think Lisa Foderaro of the NY Times should have talked to my friend before she wrote her article about mothers enjoying business travel.  I followed up with my friend who had to travel earlier this week, and who is still breastfeeding her 4 month old daughter. Mind you, she’s only been back at work 3 weeks, so in my mind she’s a hero for taking a business trip so soon.  Her trip went something like this:
- Pump at O’Hare before she left (dumped the milk)
- Pump at client meeting. Oh yeah, the client walked in on her in the bathroom. (dumped the milk)
- Pump at LaGuardia airport. (dumped the milk)

So I’m thinking that is about 28 oz wasted of precious breast milk for a 4 hour client meeting. It’s better, however, than another story I heard from another working mom (WM) friend.  This story goes something like this:
WM kills time on flight by pumping in the bathroom when she hears pounding on the door.  WM tells person pounding they will have to wait.  More pounding.  WM says hold on. More pounding. WM gets a little edgy and says hold on.  Next thing that happens- air marshal kicks in door and finds WM pumping away.  Apparently people on the plane saw her go to the bathroom with a backpack (her pump) and decided she was in there too long and freaked.

Working moms of the world- welcome to post 9/11 travel madness.  Apparently she got a lot of apologies.  I think a free flight was in order here.

Interesting New York Times article today about how business travel brings some working mothers peace (note the qualifier “some”) and a night off to have “me” time. Hmmm… seems like the mothers they interviewed for the article had two very important factors involved in their trips:
- They either went to “cool” cities (like Las Vegas)
- Or stayed in fabulous hotels (I’ve never stayed at the Four Seasons for work)

Furthermore, it seemed the working mothers in this article had husbands who had very flexible schedules- KEY to making business travel work for a working mom.  For those of us who have had to travel for work to not such cool cities and stay in not so nice hotels, I don’t think business travel feels as good.  I’ve only had to travel once since I’ve been back for a day trip, and I was totally stressed out and exhausted by it.  I have one colleague who travels twice a month.  Another working mom colleague is dreading her first business trip.  I may have to go abroad next month for work, and my husband already told me I need at least 3 weeks notice- he doesn’t exactly fall into the “flexible work schedule” model.  The amount that I would need to plan for this trip abroad (not to Europe, either) seems a bit daunting.

Business travel peaceful? Hmm… I’ll tell you the next time I get put up at the Ritz.