Self-Made Mom

I was at the mall on Wednesday (I refuse to go on the Friday after Thanksgiving) and wanted to share two stores with things on sale for us, if you dare:

Banana Republic- has a plethora of great looking headwraps and headbands.  I scored a brown silk one for $12.99.

Janie and Jack- having a tremendous sale on baby clothes.  Love their sweats for little boys.

Have a Happy Thanksgiving!

I’m intrigued by a comment a reader made on my blog post regarding Katie Couric’s mom “struggles.”  She said how she believes that motherhood (working motherhood specifically) is the big fat equalizer - rich or poor, celebrity or not- of all women. 

I can’t stop thinking about it ever since.  Actually, it really hit home yesterday when I spent the morning working at home while my nanny was taking care of my son.  As I blogged before, my nanny is pregnant, and about to become a working mom of her own. 

She is very excited to have her baby, but she will face a whole different set of challenges that I did when I had my son.  First and foremost, she will be leaving her child in day care so that she can take care of MY child.  This alone near kills me.  She’s spending her days helping to raise someone else’s kid instead of her own.  Also, she is not married, and while her boyfriend seems supportive, he lives in a different city and they have no plans to live in Chicago together at the moment.  So while her family will play a huge role in raising her child, she’s entering motherhood virtually alone.

This does not seem equal to me.  My biggest worries are whether or not my son is napping well, whether or not I have to take a conference call on my days off, and if can I somehow get to the gym on an odd hour off.  Not, how will I pay for my child’s well-being? Or, will the child’s father play an active role?  I work because I like to work and need the adult stimulation, not because my child’s survival depends on it.  Not the same for my nanny.

So sure, put me in a room with Gwenyth Paltrow and I’m sure we can discuss at length the trivial things our children do.  But, put me in a room with my nanny when she becomes a mom - and I can bet it’s not the same conversation.  It just doesn’t seem equal anymore, does it? 

One of the things I love about going to work is the fact that I don’t have to wear my diaper bag.  I get to wear a big-girl-all-grown-up-regular purse instead.  When I was pregnant of course, choosing a good diaper bag was a highlight.  Some of my friends went the Gucci route (way too expensive) while most picked out a Petunia Pickle Bottom (their prints make me dizzy). I looked at many and ultimately found one at Target I liked, embellished it with materials I found at Michael’s and was psyched.  This all came to a screeching halt when I returned to work and realized how much more fun it is to be able to wear a normal purse on a daily basis.

That’s why as of this week, I am going to try to wean myself off of the diaper bag.  That’s right, when I go out with my son, I’m going to throw some diapers and wipes in my purse and go.  No more bibs that will last 8 meals.  No more travel size Tylenol.  No more diaper bag. 

My son’s on a good “schedule” now. I pretty much know when he’s going to eat, and take a bottle.  So I don’t need to prepare for every outing like we’re going on an overnight trip.  He’s more low maintenance now, and I can be more selfish and take a purse that actually looks cute, rather than my hefty baby suitcase.

But it’s not going to be easy, I tell you.   I will miss all those interior pockets.  I will be sad to not have a waterproof lining.  But I’m moving on.  My son is getting bigger, but I’m ready to downsize.  

Since it will be tough to find time to blog over the Thanksgiving holiday, I wanted to get this one out in time before you fashionable moms put in your holiday present requests.  I’ve already made some suggestions on how to be a fashionable mom, and I now I’m adding beauty to this list.  It’s hard WORK to try to look beautiful on a daily basis. (I fail at least 50% of the time).  But these products below make your job of looking wonderful wonderfully easy. 

Now Katie Couric is commenting on the working mom balancing act.  In today’s New York Times, she discusses managing life at work and home as the anchor and managing editor of the CBS Evening News.  Couric says she is still adjusting to her new job. “I have the same struggles that all working mothers have,” she claims.  SAME STRUGGLES??

I’m not saying I don’t feel bad for Couric.  Being a single mom with a demanding job must be hard and frustrating at times.  I’m sure she feels the guilt we all do if we don’t get home in time to put the kids to bed.  But let’s put this quote in context- a struggle for Katie isn’t exactly the struggle of the average working woman.  It’s yet another example of a celeb mom trying to relate to the rest of us working stiffs.  I just can’t relate.

Seems like every celebrity has a baby (or 2) these days.  Between Suri, Jayden, Violet, and Matilda, Hollywood moms do not lack for NMFs.  Joining the baby brigade is one thing, but being a voice for working moms is another.  It seems of late that Hollywood actresses are consistently being featured and asked by journalists about what it’s like to be a working mom. 

This week alone, Patricia Arquette was interviewed on Today, Tina Fey appeared on The View, and Annette Bening was interviewed on Women24.com about their thoughts on balancing career and family.

THESE are the women we have to listen to about balancing work and raising kids?  I’m not trying to be bitter, but ’scuse me for not pitying the Hollywood moms who can afford any amount of childcare, get to bring their kids to work AND take major amounts of time off between projects.  They still get to go to the gym, get their hair blown out and have a stylist pick out their clothes.  Sometimes it even seems that their baby is just another cute accessory they get to wear.

I can handle celebrities discussing areas I don’t know so much about like what it’s like to adopt a child from Africa, how they lost 75 pounds on a diet, what they wore to the Oscars and how they’re going to Save Darfur.  But when it starts to tred on territory I’m familiar with it starts to irk me. 

You don’t see me auditioning for a part on a new NBC pilot, do you? 

I don’t really understand all the gruff the Washington Post is taking for its article on Nancy Pelosi’s wardrobe.  Last week in the Arts & Living section (for the Fashion news beat for those who care) Robin Givhan wrote a story about what Nancy Pelosi wore the day after she presumably became the first woman speaker of the House.  Givhan writes:

“Pelosi’s suit was by Giorgio Armani — the Italian master of neutral tones and modern power dressing — and she wore it well. She looked polished and tasteful in front of the cameras. It is tempting to even go so far as to say that she looked chic, which in the world beyond Washington would be considered a compliment, but in the context of politics is an observation fraught with insinuations of partisanship and condescension.”

The blogosphere responded.  Reflectivepundit argues articles like these don’t help a woman’s cause to get elected for President in 2008.  Feminists at Brandeis think the article is shallow.

I don’t get it.  What is wrong for a fashion writer to write about the newest, most powerful woman in Congress’ wardrobe?  She is a good role model fashion-wise and work-wise for mothers around the world.  Why can’t a powerful mom be smart AND stylish?  Style and power don’t have to be mutually exclusive, and Pelosi shows us as much.  AND, isn’t it better that we have a fashionable political woman to focus on rather than the terribly fashion-blind Hillary?

I say, Washington Post, thank you for pointing out that moms in power can also have good taste in clothes.  In some ways, we can have it all.

You can’t be a new mom, working or not working, with 1 kid or 11, without having had a bad hair day.  Hair is the one element of a mom’s appearance that’s most often made fun of (I’m still trying to forget Carol Brady’s mullet) but can make the most difference in how you look on a daily basis.  And ladies, let’s not kid ourselves that we actually wash or brush our hair on a daily basis (Laura Bennett of “Project Runway” admits to this as well).  We have things to do, people to see, children to take care of, and meetings at work.  Hair to a new mom is mostly an afterthought, remembered only when you catch a glimpse of your rat’s nest full of drool in the rearview mirror.

True story: one of my best MFs (not new) didn’t wash her hair when her son was born for SIX days (she didn’t wash her baby for six weeks when he was born either, but that’s a whole other story).  Luckily for her, she was blessed with the hair that we dream of.  Dry but not frizzy, long but not Crystal Gayle-like, and when unwashed still looks like she just dried it.

Now to the rest of us.  Our luscious locks of pregnancy have now given way to split ends, and frizzy pieces of new hair that make us (me) look like Frankenstein (what are these things!!??).  We don’t have time to wash and dry our hair all the time and yet, we know if we don’t do something about it, everyone will notice. But I’m not here to complain.  I want to try to provide some real solutions to this issue.  Personally, not only do I have a case of “the frizzies,” but I’m also trying to grow out bangs I cut when my son was 3 months old (I’m blaming a new-mom stupor for this).  

That is why, through this blog, I’d like to declare my love for my favorite two hair accessories to fix a bad hair moment (my new term): the bobby pin and the headband. These are the best, yet most under-utilized pieces of hair accessories around.  The headband is making a stellar comeback this year, but you’d be surprise the number of working mom and NMFs I have that don’t utilize them!  For frizzies, grease, and just plain old nastiness, bobby pins and headbands can do wonders for you.  And you don’t even need fancy ones. A plain old Goody bobby pin or drugstore-purchased headband will do.  You don’t need rhinestones or flowers or vintage fabrics (these stretch out anyway) to make it work.  All you need are the basics to fix a bad hair moment.   Here are some tips:

1)     The front layer “pouf.” This is my favorite. Take the front part of your hair (if you have long bangs this works) and pin them back against the top of your head so the top part sticks up a little bit.  Best thing about the “pouf” is that it works when your hair is down AND in a ponytail!

2)     The ponytail “wraparound.”  The wraparound is when your hair is in a ponytail and you leave an extra piece out to wrap around your ponytail. It instantly looks way more glamorous than the nasty ponytail holder from yesterday.

3)     The headband.  No explanation needed. The headband can take you from the office to your baby and hide the grease all at the same time. I just bought a plaid one from Target. V cute. 

That’s all I got for now, ladies.  I’m off to wash my hair.

Working moms face similar issues no matter the country in which they live.  For examples, I came across this article in ShanghaiDaily.com called “Family is hard for biz women.”  In the article, Zhou Juemin, general manager of Shanghai Jinguoyuan Group is quoted as saying, “Compared with Western career women, the role of Chinese women is more complicated.” As Zhou goes on to explain, “We are always seeking a balance between our traditional role of wife and mother, and a successful career, but conflicts always exist.” 

Heard this one before?  I have.  Zhou’s advice to balance this? To transition to a “mommy” role once the work day is over.  She says, “they [mothers] are general managers at work but when they are at home they are just a wife and a mother.” 

This is starting to sound eerily familiar.  The transition from work-mode to home-mode is immediate once you enter the door.  You change from a power suit to a track suit.  You forget about PowerPoints and email and worry about veggies and bath time.  You forget who you are at work and you become “mom” to those who matter.  I don’t think you have to live in China to realize that.

More companies to add to the mom-friendly company list.  Molly Selvin of the L.A. Times covers moms on “Mommy Track 2.0“- those moms who don’t want to forfeit careers just because they work a reduced schedule.