Self-Made Mom

Just read an interesting post on fellow colleague Alexandra Levit’s blog.  She discusses that getting up the corporate ladder may not be as appealing as it used to be.  While I agree that once you’ve had a child your priorities shift, I do not think that you shelve your potential upward mobility all together. Yes, what is important to me now is flexibility with my schedule, ensuring I get home from work in time to put my son to bed, etc.  But I’m also interested in the next step that I want to achieve at work. I’m not just coming to work to spin my wheels and keep busy. I want to continue to learn, have new experiences, and hopefully, one day, be promoted.
It’s just that finding the balance and an employer that can help you do this that is the toughest part.

Apparently at least someone who works in the fashion industry is commenting on how hard it is to wear some of the latest trends to work.  And I echo her thoughts on where to find good trends that aren’t so expensive- especially for us working moms who are on a budget!

On that note, why can’t Zara open up a store in Chicago!?  H&M is great to get the new trends cheap, but I think Zara has better quality.  And better office-appropriate wear.

Some background- my friend (F) and her husband just bought a new home and are trying to have a baby.  She’s recently transferred positions and is really happy in her job.  Things seem good.  However, she dotted line reports to a very senior-level woman (SLW) in her organization who’s been in the working world for quite some time and has a stellar reputation in her field (i.e. she puts the fear of god in you.)  So, casually, she gives my friend some advice about trying to work and be a mom. (The conversation below is based on a true story.)

F: Yeah, my husband and I are hoping to have kids soon.
SLW: Hmm, that is interesting. (Pauses.) Why would you do that? You are on the “up” escalator here.
F: I don’t quite understand.
SLW: You are on the UP escalator- see? If you have kids now, and get off the escalator for a little while, well, you’ll never get back on.
F: Well, how did you do it, SLW?
SLW: Ha! I “outsourced.”
F: (Thinks- What the ?!?)
SLW: Yes, well, I hired a nanny full-time; my husband didn’t work, and well, when my kids were old enough, I just sent them to boarding school. And see, now I made it to the top of the escalator! I’m a success!
F: What did I get my self into?

My friends and I think perhaps this conversation is a result of a generational gap between SLW and F. SLW is “old school” in the true sense. Or is she? Is this how women think still? How can we make this life work if our own kind don’t believe it can?

Perhaps we need to educate the “old school” in the ways of the new- case studies, examples of how women are able to work and still have a normal family outside of work. It can be done.

Lots of thoughts coming out of this past weekend, which I spent with my friends from grad school.  My friend’s dilemma- one of her employees is a part-time WAHM.  Apparently, she doesn’t have help when she works from home, so while her performance is good, when you call her for work-related items, you can hear her kids in the background. My friend wants to be supportive, but gets annoyed and thinks this WAHM should get some help when she’s WAH. 

It’s a tough call- what if my friend marries and has kids one day? I know she wants to be supportive, but also wants to control her employees.  My vote- if her work is still good, so be it.

I love this recent article from the New York Times about parents sharing the responsiblity of raising children more equally.  Finally, a positive article about the fact that kids aren’t suffering because mom or dad work more.  Thanks to the researchers for this one!

My husband reminded me yesterday of one of my biggest complaints when pregnant- riding public transportation. Ever tried it?? Never have I encountered ruder people then when I was very pregnant riding the subway (”El”) to my office in downtown Chicago. Of the hundreds of times I took the El, I can count on ONE hand the amount of times someone offered me their seat - or even a pole to lean on.  And guess who the ones were who actually did offer me a seat - you guessed it - women.

Men: what’s the deal? We know you don’t know what it’s like to be preggo, but if you see a woman waddling her way onto the train, can’t you stand up!? Please!

An article about appropriate work-wear in the New York Times not only  got me thinking about what to wear to the office, but how to dress as a new mom. Having recently had a baby and gone through many body changes, I think dressing for the new “you” (inside and out) can be rather challenging. Being a mom requires a different wardrobe entirely than a working woman. I remember vividly a mom-colleague of mine telling me how she didn’t have anything to wear on Fridays, her day off from work (and this mom doesn’t want to be caught dead in sweats.)  If you’ve been working for awhile it’s pretty easy to put together a presentable work outfit. But how to put together a fashionable mom outfit that will withstand spit up, baby food and messy diapers? Well it’s a whole new challenge.

So I’m putting together a “Mom Fashion Survival Kit” of what I think the “new mom” fashion must-haves are for this fall.
A coordinated sweat suit- key here is the word “coordinated.” All moms want to be comfy and wear sweats. If you can manage a matching sweatsuit, well you’ll not only be comfy but look great. Target makes great velour ones (lived it that during my pregnancy).

A pair of HIGH rise jeans- yes, ladies, they make these now, and with your new mom body, you can’t afford to wear low rise for awhile.  I like Paige Denim.

Sweater coat- This has been my life saver this fall. Not sure about you, but I find running around after my son makes me HOT all the time. That’s why a sweater coat is so great. You can layer it when you get hot, but it’s really warm too.  I got 2 this fall- Old Navy (for real) and one by Vince.

A pair of street sneakers- Now that you’re out of the office for a little while, you can’t be wearing heels traipsing to the grocery store.  A good, neutral pair of street sneaks will help you look great while running to get formula. I love the slip-on Converse. (Easy on and off is KEY!)

Hope this helps. Watch soon for my new mom fashion DON’Ts list soon.

Reading this story put my situation with my nanny into perspective. I can’t believe this goes on in our day and age. I’m never moving to PA!

So I recently had to deal with a major dilemma regarding my child care.  My nanny, who started working for us 2 1/2 months ago recently told me she was pregnant. Immediately I thought of myself- what was I going to do? How am I going to find another caregiver? Looking at it from her perspective and the larger issue of pregant working women made me rethink my positioning. I admit I was ready to let her go and find someone new immediately.  I can’t tell you how many friends of mine, who I love dearly agreed with this approach. The first reaction of most of them was “oh no.”

But upon further thinking I decided that was the wrong approach. Just because she was pregnant didn’t mean she couldn’t do her job, right? What if, when I told my boss I was pregnant he decided for me that I couldn’t work anymore? It just didn’t sit well with me. So we reached an agreement- if my nanny feels that she can’t keep up with my young son, then she will tell us and we’ll take it from there to find a new nanny. 

  I just got this sweater today at Old Navy and my friend at work said she saw it in US Weekly this week. (I swear I don’t have a copy of the mag at my house).  I think it’s a perfect fall look for work - a little funky, yet it has classic lines.  I think it’d look great with cropped pants and boots, or a mini skirt. Good for all body shapes and sizes too! Check it out.